


How to Woo Socially Awkward Shinobi

by Cuzosu



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, How did my fic turn into Let's Woo Senju central?, Humor, I guess we get to find out how ninja do romance...?, Let's all jump overboard now..., M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-09-26 05:09:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9864269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuzosu/pseuds/Cuzosu
Summary: Sometimes all it takes to make peace among a bunch of hardheaded men is a woman.Sometimes it takes Uzumaki Mito, Senju Tōka, Uchiha Hikaku, and two pairs of brothers.Uchiha Madara and Senju Tobirama aren't sure how this means they have to spend the nextmonthin each other's company, but falling in love might be the easy part...if they deal with old hatreds first. And if Izuna will ever stop tempting them to murder.(Or: Madara wants to know how to court a Senju, Izuna maybe should ask instead of assuming, and Mito wants to know what the hell happened to her reserved and helpful brother-in-law. This is all a much bigger headache than it needs to be, but at least Hashirama and Hikaku are amused, because the clan elders sure aren't.)





	1. Dance with the Devil

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blackkat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/gifts), [Hiruma_Musouka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiruma_Musouka/gifts).



> I blame this on blackkat, who is (at one and the same time) a terrible tease that lures me into rare pair hells AND a blessing in the form of a muse, inspiring me to write.  
> This is your fault, Kat. Thank you.  
> Thanks also to my friend Fei, who, upon reading the first bit I sent her way, asked me if I was a mind reader and said she'd been thinking about getting into this pairing, so she wasn't going to dissuade me from writing it. And for brainstorming wooing with me and bearing with my ridiculousness, because _that?_ Is an accomplishment. Some people should come with their own warning label and I am usually one of them.  
>  Also, thanks are owed to the existence of Hiruma_Musouka and squidspawn's (Force) Trick or Treat, without which I might not have thought of adding a Halloween bit to this. Now if I can just figure out where to put it.... Not to mention to Hiruma_Musouka yet again for Tobirama's nickname, because "Tobi" was already used for another character in Naruto canon at one point, but I can't really see him tolerating an actual nickname instead of a shortened version of his own name. "Tobes" it is.
> 
> Having read what scant fics there are in this pairing, I apparently decided that was an insufficient amount. This is how my brain works, people. So: LOOK, I FICCED! *facepalm*  
> ...I think the most used line so far in this fic is "Son of a bitch"....
> 
> Chapter title from Breaking Benjamin's "Dance with the Devil" on the premise that:  
> 1\. Better the enemy you know.  
> 2\. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer.  
> 3\. Surely it's either some confused cupid or devil causing all this chaos, right?  
> and 4. Izuna's a very opinionated ass, okay, and he's taking longer to reassess Tobirama than Madara is.
> 
> Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Naruto. As a writer, I enjoy playing in more sandboxes than merely my own.

Uchiha Madara stared at the quartet across from him, doing his best to ignore the two at his sides. "You...." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You are _stupid_ for your dreams, aren't you, Hashirama?" There was a protest, quickly broken off and he wasn't sure if it was the man's brother or wife who shut him up; regardless, he felt mildly grateful to have been spared the headache.

"And what about you?" Izuna sneered at the white-haired shinobi across from him. "'cause I'm pretty sure all you dream about is killing our entire clan!"

Senju Tobirama graced him with a look of faint but scathing disdain. "And you presume this because of the way I do my job and guard my kin? I knew you were occasionally foolish, Uchiha; I didn't know you were -"

"Tobirama." All the Uzumaki woman had to do was say his name; red eyes flicked to her, noted her perfectly polite expression and chakra exhibiting stirrings of anger, and he looked away from her entirely. In wild animals and shinobi alike, that was a clear sign of defeat.

"So you're the only one allowed to insult them right now?" Tobirama asked the redhead sardonically.

She graced him with a chillingly polite smile. "Yes."

Madara gave the Senju points for capitulating with grace and not one word more, though he wasn't quite sure _why_ the other man was backing down when he'd never fled from combat by preference. Then she turned that smile on him and it made a lot more sense. How she layered it with hints of killing intent, he didn't know, but that was impressive.

"Uchiha." Mito flicked a hard look to each of them. "We _will_ come to a peace agreement before we leave here." Her smile widened, the killing intent sharpened; it would have been hard to miss the threat.

Izuna had been scowling at his most constant enemy, so he caught the light sigh and little roll of red eyes. His brow quirked in confusion. What the hell?

Tōka had no qualms, however, about saying exactly what Tobirama was thinking. "Bossy, aren't you, Mito? They're not even under your aegis, you know; they're Uchiha, not Senju or Uzumaki."

Mito gazed calmly back at the brunette. "And?"

Madara spluttered with rage. Izuna gathered himself for either an argument or combat; he didn't care which. It was Hikaku who responded coolly.

"What's in it for us?"

"Besides a place for your clan's children to grow up and not have blood on their hands or die young?" Tōka countered.

"Strong allies and two potential political marriages." Her gaze was steady on the dark-haired Uchiha clansmen.

Hikaku frowned but gestured for Mito to continue; he was curious as to who, among the Senju, would agree to even potentially marry anyone from their most prominent enemy clan.

"Tōka said she'll get over her anger issues as long as the killing stops and then anyone's fair game. Tobirama," she slid an amused look at the man in question, "has been calling the older generations of both Senju and Uchiha clans idiots for longer than I've known him over not holding to treaty terms when there was no reason _not_ to -"

"It's stupid and reflects poorly on their honor," scoffed Tobirama. "Besides being as pathetic as holding children responsible for the actions of their predecessors." His slight sneer was perfect, and framed by Mito's serene smile of agreement and Tōka's firm nod. Hashirama's expression of distaste didn't count.

"- and rarely takes offense at anything enough to retaliate."

"Unless you're Hashirama," coughed Tōka.

Madara was stunned stupid by the revelations about Tobirama; his mouth wouldn't quite shut and speech was long gone. Izuna, by contrast, got stuck on the second bit of info Mito had given them about his rival.

"No way!" he denied vehemently. "He retaliates _all the time_ against me!"

Tobirama graced him with a look that stated plainly he thought the Uchiha was showing a lack of intelligence. "Our clans were at war; it was my duty to fight." He bit back any further commentary, as it would only have devolved into insults and Mito'd already claimed that area for herself, however temporarily.

"Don't play dumb," was Tōka's scathing response. "The only one Tobirama regularly gets mad enough at to retaliate against is Hashirama."

"Hey!"

"True," the younger Senju brother acknowledged wryly.

Mito rolled her eyes as her husband pouted. "We're getting off topic. Peace treaty. Now."

Chastised, all eyes returned to the matter at hand. The end result was a binding contract aimed toward a peace treaty and the decision that Senju Tobirama and Uchiha Hikaku would swap clans for a month. The latter had been Tōka's idea—"You stupid assholes! If that's what you think of my cousin, you should live with him for a month, because _he's not like that_ and every Senju kid in the compound could tell you so! Blinder than children, fucking morons!"—but Mito had seized it and run roughshod over any attempted arguments.

 _Puts us in our places,_ Tobirama mused, humor only perceptible in the faintest touch of his chakra. Mito met his gaze and narrowed her eyes in mock reproof, then smiled benignly at him. Wary, he tipped his head in deference to his sister-in-law.  _You win._ Peace, however, was a victory he didn't mind ceding to the Uzumaki woman. He wouldn't object to having the time to experiment, even if he ended up as a semi-permanent hostage to the Uchihas. Izuna was a pain in the ass, no question, but Madara was similar to Hashirama and used his brain more often. Perhaps he might even be pleasant company when he became accustomed to the notion of Tobirama as an ally. It was worth seeing firsthand.

 

 

 

 

They met the next day to exchange the so-called hostages. Tobirama accepted his sister-in-law's will with no argument; besides, it might prove interesting and maybe their library had sources he hadn't found yet. Hikaku was understandably nervous, but game.

"Don't worry," Tobirama told the younger man as they walked past each other. "They're sticking you in my room to help the clan figure you out." They'd talked about personalities before deciding on the Uchiha to swap over and opted for Hikaku because he was calm and much like Tobirama himself; then Mito had gone and volunteered his room to 'help the clan associate him with Tobirama's calm while giving him a safe haven, because _no one_ got away with causing problems in the man's own personal space.' The Senju elders had had to be reminded of that fact; they'd come barging in, outraged that their clan head was, as they put it, 'trading his heir for an Uchiha of lesser status.' Between Tobirama's territorial retribution and the way he chastised them bluntly before handing them off to face Mito's ire, it was doubtful any disgruntled elders would interfere again until either war beckoned or peace was established. Dealing with the elders so effectively only emphasized Mito's point, however, and he'd ultimately lost that battle of wills.

"No one will mess with you while you're in his rooms; they've seen him exact paybacks before and he's made it clear his rooms are off limits unless specifically invited." Mito's calm, coupled with the implicit threats to incautious invaders, was anything but reassuring.

Hikaku frowned and slid a worried gaze to the passing Senju. "Please tell me I'm not going to become your next target."

"Mito talked me around," was the dismissive response. The Uzumaki woman was a force to be reckoned with; she was as blunt and practical as Tobirama, as stubborn as Hashirama, and wielded the political power that came from her position with enviable ease.

"That's as good as an engraved invitation," Tōka stated firmly. "Don't blow it, but don't lose sleep over it, either." She turned to start walking home, then paused and added, "Oh, and if you decide you want interference between you and the clan, don't bother Hashirama; he'll just pout at them or be disappointed. Mito and I are much better deterrents." Teeth bared in a vicious grin, she headed back to the Senju compound. "Later, cousin! If they kill you, I'll avenge you!"

"So reassuring," Tobirama muttered as he turned to leave with the Uchiha brothers. He could read between the lines, though; she'd visit him after she'd had a little time to miss him.

It was Izuna who finally broke the silence, after they'd been walking for a while. "I can't believe you're going along with this. We're _enemies."_

The Senju graced him with a sardonic look. "Not if Mito has anything to say about it."

"Oh, so your brother's wife has you wrapped around her finger, too?" was the snide retort.

"No," Tobirama returned with exaggerated patience. "But I am aware that cooperating with her helps my brother and whomever among my clan has not thoroughly pissed her off, and while I enjoy paybacks, she holds grudges and makes it hurt. Cost benefit ratio is substantially skewed in her direction; drawn out internal clan fights are more effort than they're worth."

While Madara wondered at the resemblance to Nara mentality, Izuna spluttered. "Don't treat me like a child!"

It didn't take long for the noise to reach a crescendo. Madara winced slightly, shouted them to silence to cover it. "Senju. Please shut up." As Izuna opened his mouth to crow about favorites and rub it in his rival's face, his brother continued. "Izuna. Enough. Can't we at least get him settled into a room before you're picking fights? As long as he leaves you alive, I will consider any thrashing you get to be just desserts." The baleful glare leveled at him made Izuna admit his brother had a point.

"All right! Fine!" He threw his hands in the air in defeat and turned to their Senju companion. "Should we stick you in Hikaku's room? A guest room? A cell?"

The last was snide and not a true offer, but Tobirama took it at face value just to spite the younger Uchiha. "Hikaku can keep his room; I don't do well occupying another's quarters. A cell would violate the spirit of the treaty at the least, so unless you really want Mito out for blood, I don't suggest it," but something in his tone said he'd enjoy watching the end results. "So a guest room is probably best."

When Izuna tried to attack the Senju for his remark, Madara pushed his brother into a nearby lake. "Madara!" came the outraged splutter, water sluicing off him as he rose to the surface.

"You deserved it," the clan head told him, implacable. "Stop antagonizing him, already. He'll be here for a month and I'm sure you'll be able to spar him at least once. Why rush it?" The last fight had nearly ended in Izuna's death; to say Madara was having a hard time forgetting it was understating the matter. His brother, thankfully, caught the hint.

 

 

 

 

Upon their arrival, Madara personally saw to the accommodations...and was even a gracious enough host to ask if there was anything he needed before leaving him alone to settle in. There were a few questions Tobirama had in mind, actually.

"Would it be a problem if I accessed your library? I can have supplies brought in for experiments under my own budget, but if you have a secluded area I could use for them it will be safer for your clan. And if you have any sensors or water-users who need training, I'm willing to help under whatever supervision you'd prefer."

"Let me think on it while you set up here," Madara said after a pause. "We might remove some of the clan-specific material, but otherwise, I don't see a problem with the library. Not sure which area will suit your experiments best, might show you a few possibilities tomorrow." Another pause. "And...thank you for the offer." His confused suspicion was there, but clearly laced with the knowledge that the offer had been genuine. Perhaps Tobirama was more like Hashirama than either clan head knew....

 

 

 

 

It took a mere three days for Tobirama to settle in fully, library access, training, experiments and all. Izuna was beside himself and kept trying to sabotage the experiments in progress; the Senju, being no idiot, made sure to keep the more volatile experiments under wraps when said Uchiha was coming around. Being a sensor had its perks. By contrast, Madara was shown all of the experiments and grew to have a healthy respect for the younger man's genius and ability. He also appreciated that his brother was being protected from his own idiocy despite the issues it caused Tobirama, something he found out from a distant cousin. She'd taken him aside and said, "Did you know Senju-san is hiding his more dangerous experiments when your brother comes by? Even if he's in the middle of something, he'll start over later instead of leaving it out." He'd been pensive the next visit, prompting Tobirama to ask if something was wrong.

"... You're protecting my brother. He's adamantly against you, but you're protecting him anyway."

The Senju sighed through his nose. "I have a brother who rushes in without thinking, too. Even Mito can't cure him of that; protecting overzealous idiots from themselves is second nature when I'm experimenting now."

Well. It was hard to dispute that.

"... Your offer to train my clan. Why...?" He was having difficulties putting his confusion into words. Tobirama, finding a stopping point with his current experiment, waited patiently. "... Why make the offer when the treaty could so easily fall through? It's only just in beginning stages."

 _Ah, logic. This would be a prime example of qualities I wish my brother would discover in himself._ "How better to ensure it succeeds?" countered the white-haired man. "It poses no more danger to me, here, than if I had not offered, and the potential benefits outweigh the risks." There was a pause as he resumed his experiment, then, as an afterthought, he added, "Besides, I like teaching." Another pause, then a mildly disgruntled, "As long as it's not Hashirama I'm trying to teach."

Madara snorted. Well did he know that difficulty! He'd tried for years to get the man to understand why they couldn't be friends any longer, to no avail. It was  _worse_ than beating his head against a brick wall, to be honest! After a pause to get his emotions fully under control again, he said, "Alright. I'll put the word out that you're willing to train them." What he wasn't sure of was the exact response of his clan; they might be too wary to go...or they might feel safer to discover any weaknesses the Senju might have while he was not aiming to kill. And that was without parental considerations.... "Choose a time you'll be available, hm?"

With no hesitation, Tobirama responded. "I generally train around dawn. Specialized training can be scheduled apart from that if need be. Parents can arrange lessons so they can be present...or so they can have others present, if they're so uncomfortable." His tone said he'd had it happen before.

Not sure why he was speaking, the Uchiha clan head stated, "As you've managed to refrain from killing or permanently injuring my brother,  _despite_ how utterly obnoxious he can be, I suppose you can be trusted with the little kids." To Madara's surprise, the teasing words evoked a snort of laughter from his former enemy. "Although perhaps I should count Izuna as a little kid, if he can't learn to stop rushing in while you're experimenting."

 _That_ elicited a small smile. Emotions Madara hadn't known were even involved made it clear just how invested he was in keeping the other man happy.

Son of a bitch.

He had feelings for a  _Senju?_  His father was surely rolling in his grave.

None of his turmoil showed immediately on his face, but Tobirama was an adept sensor and at such close range, even such minute chakra fluctuations were impossible to miss. The Senju was, however, aware that his current Uchiha companion was prickly as hell; Hashirama never had been good at keeping secrets, especially once he'd decided to drag his brother headlong into whatever morass of insanity he'd concocted in hopes of peace. Tobirama, if it wasn't already obvious, was more than glad to be handing the handling of said messes over to Uzumaki Mito. He'd had plenty of Hashirama's harebrained stunts to deal with to date. It was time to pass that mantle to someone else. For his part, the white-haired ninja would ensure the treaty with the Uchiha clan held.

Madara had no clue he'd been so obvious to the other man. "I suppose I'd better get to clan matters, then," he finally said. Rue laced his voice; being clan head had its perks, but it had its downsides, too. "Don't be surprised if some of them show up tomorrow morning for your training."

Another small smile. "I did offer," was the soft spoken rejoinder.

"Here's hoping you don't come to regret it," Madara told him wryly, heading out the door.

Tobirama waited until it shut behind him to say, "As long as we can make the peace hold, I won't."

 

 

 

"This is all your fault," Madara hissed at his brother.

"What?"

"It's  _your_ fault I feel like I have to make that damn Senju happy!"

_"What?!"_

Madara plowed on, ignoring his brother's face as it changed color. "Who else would I feel so strongly about having to make amends for?" he snarled. "Do you even realize he's been doing the same thing with his experiments when you come around that he does with his brother? Apparently you're both fucking oblivious! He puts away his more dangerous experiments to keep you from causing yourself harm, even if it means he has to start over!" He let the sudden silence weigh for a moment, then added, "I wish you'd take this potential peace as seriously as he is. It's ridiculous that the man who nearly killed you not long ago is saving you from your own stupidity on a regular basis now...and has been since he started his experiments here."

Izuna couldn't pick his jaw up off the floor; shock held him immobile. "He...what?" he finally managed, as his brother left him to his own devices.

Son of a bitch.

That shone a whole new light on their interactions lately.  _I might even have to apologize._

 

 

 

Izuna showed up at the dawn practice session a little late, mostly because he wasn't sure how best to apologize. To his astonishment, he found his brother trading blows and quips with the white-haired Senju. Was he  _flirting?_ Holy fuck,  _he was._

Suddenly, Izuna didn't know whether he wanted to apologize for his own behavior or pound home one of those  _if you hurt him_ threats.... Doing both together would diminish their value, so of course he could only pick one. He debated until Madara had left for his study, then stepped up next, still undecided.

They traded blows, but Izuna was missing more opportunities than he was taking; his Senju opponent deliberately tested it. There was a sense of being pulled in two directions wafting from the Uchiha heir, mixed with anger, outrage, humor, and love, all at the same time. Tobirama was confused, as he didn't know what had caused such emotions, but distracted was never how one ought to spar. "Your attention is not on the match. Let's continue this another time."

Izuna nodded. Then, hidden by the Senju from prying eyes, he softly said, "I owe you an apology. Madara told me what you've been doing with your experiments." His gaze switched from embarrassed and shifting to steady and dark with intent. "But just so you're aware:  _if you hurt him, I will end you._ To hell with peace, I will fucking  _end_ you if anything happens to him!"  _Whoops, didn't mean to do both right NOW,_ Izuna admitted to himself. He'd gotten a little carried away. In an effort to avoid further embarrassing himself in front of a man he still thought of as an enemy, he took himself off to pester his brother.

Blank with surprise, it took Tobirama a moment too long to reply; Izuna was gone before he could muster a response.  _I can't tell if that was endorsement of his brother's potential relationship or if it was meant as discouragement._  Well, time would tell. They weren't even a week into the month yet. He'd already drastically changed the clan head's opinion of him by protecting Izuna. Maybe there was something he could do for Madara that would change Izuna's opinion, too.

As Tobirama readied for the next sparring match, he resolved to think on it.

 

 

 

"You like the  _Senju?"_  That was  _not_ how he'd meant to broach that subject. Damn his mouth for running away with him....

"I  _what?"_  Madara choked and spluttered, aghast. When he regained his composure, he rubbed his temple wearily, brushing dark hair behind his ear with a practiced flick. The day had just started and already he wanted to go back to bed and forget the world. "This lack of tact is why Mito and I chose Hikaku to represent us to the Senju, you realize."

Izuna stuck his tongue out to show his opinion on  _that_ little matter. "Quit trying to change the subject, brother. You like that Senju, don't you?" Dark eyes gleamed with unholy glee.

 _Brothers,_ thought Madara.  _Can't keep their noses out of anything._ What he said was, "Hashirama? As a friend. He's happily married to the Uzumaki woman who rammed the beginnings of a peace treaty down our throats."

 _Such a mild tone,_ Izuna noted.  _He knows exactly what I'm talking about._  "Pretending not to know what I mean isn't going to get you out of this," he warned lightly. His smile widened. "Tobirama, not Hashirama."

One brow quirked upward. "Oh? What about our guest? Did he best you in your match?"

"I -"  _was distracted._ But admitting that aloud? Not happening. Then he caught the laughter in his clan head's eyes. "Oh, shut up, brother."  _You damn well felt the entire thing from start to finish, because you're paranoid about losing me._ Hard to blame him for that, though. "You're not throwing me off on a tangent, you know; might as well give in."

Madara graced him with an expression of extreme annoyance, which bothered Izuna not at all. "Fine. I like him. Happy now?"

"You  _like_ like him," corrected the younger Uchiha. Glee was written in every line of his body; he could barely hold it in.

"What are you, five?" Madara asked crossly. "Fine! I...might be interested in him that way. What of it? Uzumaki said he was open to a political alliance, not that he was looking for someone."

Izuna went from glee to loving understanding in a heartbeat. "So woo him."

"What?"

"Woo him. If you want more with him than just a political alliance, woo him, because I  _will_ mention this to that Uzumaki woman next time I see her. This is the best opportunity for peace we'll probably ever have."

He couldn't help glaring; damn manipulative younger brothers, anyway!

"I mean, I suppose I can see what you like about him," Izuna continued. "He's fit, he's powerful  _and_ skilled, and he's looked after me without prompting from anyone. You said he's volunteered to teach the clan, too, which means he's actively interested in peace, not just following his brother. I get the attraction; he's hot."

Madara scowled. He didn't want to hear his younger brother leching over the guy he might just like. "So?" he bit out.

"So  _woo_ him, or I might have to. It's too good an opportunity for peace to pass up. I mean, sure, I'd like to be an uncle someday, but you could always adopt."

... Cheeky brat. Obviously Madara was not going to win this one. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, hair falling about his face, then tried to focus on paperwork. It was dull and might bore Izuna enough for him to leave.

"Do you need ideas?"

"No." He left it at that, pen scratching away at paper.

"I've got plenty," Izuna baited, singsong tone irking his brother immediately.

"No," came the instant rebuttal, tone measured and even despite the pulse throbbing at Madara's temple.

"You could -"

"Throw you out on your ass?" finished the clan head. "That's a  _great_ idea!"

"Madara!" yelped the younger Uchiha as he was hefted and tossed. "That's not what I was going to say!"

Savoring the splash as his brother hit the water of the pond outside his second story window, Madara settled back at his desk with a small smile. Unfortunately, he neglected to shut said window.

"I was going to say," Izuna told him solemnly, sodden hair and clothes drenching the floor under his windowsill perch, "that red roses won't match his clothes and white might blend into his hair, so -"

 _I'm going to kill him,_ Madara thought furiously.  _I am going to kill my little brother if he doesn't stop this shit!_  Knowing Izuna, he wouldn't, though, so out the window the younger man went a second time. This time, Madara shut and locked it, then locked the door for good measure.

Son of a bitch.

How the hell was he supposed to woo a Senju? He had no idea of their customs and he wasn't entirely fond of certain Uchiha customs, either.

Not to mention, he really wasn't good at interpersonal relationships outside of his clan. The only reason he was still friends with Hashirama was because the stubborn fool wouldn't take no for an answer.

 

 

 

It had been four days of life among the Senju. Hikaku was still sorting most things out, but there was some confusion. Among other things, he was curious why the Senju elders hadn't so much as made unkind remarks; his own elders in the Uchiha clan most certainly had said less than polite things to Tobirama by now! Wanting answers, he let his feet take him to Senju Tōka, who was blunt and straightforward in a way much like Madara.

"The elders?" Tōka was startled to be asked, clearly, but then amusement shone through. It was the kind of humor aimed at another's expense. "Oh, they barged in on Tobes the night before he left, up in arms about how  _the clan head's trading his heir for an Uchiha of lesser status_ and  _can't believe you're letting him do this._  He used a new jutsu to bind them with water, it was great." Her feral grin made her seem almost more of an Inuzuka than a Senju. "But then they couldn't get out on their own because they don't have near the creative genius he does, so he had to release it, and then he...had _words_ with them."

 _She says that with such relish,_ Hikaku mused. "And that made them decide not to come at me at all?"

"Oh, no;  _that's_ because Tobes already thinks they're a bunch of blithering idiots half the time and them coming at him aggressively over something he agreed to and blaming it all on Hashirama? He lost his temper fairly impressively. And publicly, for that matter. And then he marched them to Mito and informed  _her_ of the situation, so  _she_ had some things to say about it, too." There was no small amount of glee in her voice. Apparently she didn't much like the clan's elders, either. "They aren't going to try anything that might have public consequences for a while; the younger of my cousins is  _really_ good at pounding lessons home, no matter the age of the student. It comes of having Hashirama for a brother."

He smiled with genuine amusement at the other brunette. "From your tone, I'm guessing you approve of your elders about as much as Tobirama does."

Her gaze hardened. "They're warmongering fools. My mother died because they and your own elders can't hold to a damn contract. If it takes Tobirama and Mito threatening the collective bunch of them for our clans to have actual peace, so be it. I like my cousins and Mito better than anybody else in this clan, so it's no problem to me."

"Ah." He thought for a moment about the past and his own clan. "Yes, I'm rather more fond of Madara and Izuna than I am our elders, as well. Kind of hope they have the face off when I can see it, though."

Tōka grinned cheerfully at him. "I will  _laugh_ if my cousin ends up involved."

Hikaku buried his face in his hands and groaned. "He probably will. Our elders are fond of pushing until something snaps, usually Madara's temper, and they don't listen well. It seems to take retribution for them to learn, I swear...."

"Then I'm sure Tobes has that well in hand," Tōka assured him. "Although I might visit him in hopes of seeing it in action."

"Rubbing in your freedom of movement?"

"Jealous?"

_Maybe._

"Didn't mean it like that; I just really like watching him be a vindictive ass to the deserving. He doesn't lash out often, after all. He doesn't need to. It's...memorable. Which is why the elders are leaving you alone. If they don't behave for a while, Mito will drag them to the Uchiha compound and dump the matter in Tobirama's lap, to be dealt with however he sees fit. And, knowing Tobes, he'll handle the matter there and then, with your clan looking on. They don't want that."

There was silence for a moment. "Holy shit," breathed Hikaku. "Do me a favor? Pass a message along to Madara while you're there?"

"Sure."

He borrowed Tobirama's desk to write a quick note, Tōka lounging on her cousin's bed behind him.

_Dear cousin and clan head,  
_

_Having learned more about Tobirama's methods since my arrival, I suggest you tell the elders you'll let him handle any further issues they'd like to bring up. And tell Tobirama you won't retaliate over it. You'll like the end results; the Senju elders sparked his retaliation before he went to you and they've left me alone entirely since I've been here._

_Hikaku_

_P.S.- I'm starting to think it's Uzumaki Mito and Senju Tobirama who really run the clan; Hashirama just sets the direction he wants to go and they see it done, I suspect._

He sealed the note into a scroll and handed it to Tōka. "Thank you."

She grinned and ruffled his hair with one hand as she tucked the scroll away. "You're welcome. Good night."

"Good night." He didn't realize he was smiling as he readied for bed and fell asleep; this month-long stay might not be bad at all.


	2. Feet First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kept wanting to start this chapter like this:  
>  _In the beginning, there was the word, and that word was written on paper in Hikaku's handwriting. ___  
> Yes, I am terrible. Why do you ask? Is my sleep deprivation showing?

Madara stared from the paper to Senju Tōka and back again, dark hair falling wildly about his face and helping to hide his expression. "...I'm guessing you had something to do with the contents of this note," he said finally. "Or he wouldn't have trusted you with it."

"No idea," Tōka responded bluntly. "I was sprawled on my cousin's bed while he wrote it and then he sealed it in a scroll, so...no idea."

He paraphrased; he wasn't sure he wanted to share the insight into the Senju clan that Hikaku had sent him. Dryly, he said, "Something about Tobirama and why I should let him handle my clan's elders."

Light eyes gleamed with humor. " _Please do._ I would _love_ to see my cousin handle them, I really would."

Somehow, he got the feeling she took great delight in watching Tobirama wreak havoc while creating some kind of order from it. "...handle how?" he had to ask.

"Any way he chooses. The more they get on his nerves, the worse the retaliation...and the more public, to ensure better behavior for some time after. He's a bit of a bastard; I've always wondered if it didn't have to do with Butsuma being his father. Talented shinobi, shitty parenting skills. And their mother died when they were young." _So did mine, but that's another story._

"Yes," Madara agreed glibly, "I'm sure it had nothing to do with Hashirama's enthusiasms...."

The brunette laughed. "You're alright, for an Uchiha," she told him. "And Hashi's not bad as long as Tobes or Mito rides herd on him, but sometimes he shouldn't be let out without a keeper. Tobes, though, he can be worse."

"Oh?" This he had to hear.

"Oh," agreed Tōka. "I caught him playing with predators, you know. Ones that use genjutsu to trap their prey, ones that have chakra-enhanced strength...his curiosity knows no bounds and he's brave to the point of foolishness. It's a bit of a problem, when you care about him." She smiled ruefully. "And yet, look where he's at now: the only one in our clan stronger than he is is his own brother, who is clan head. Sometimes I look back and wonder how either of them made it out alive, and then I remember that Tobirama's got that damned _infuriating_ genius and has looked out for his older brother most of their lives."

"Hashirama does periodically require a keeper. Or maybe the word I'm looking for is nanny."

"Nanny works," laughed the brunette. "So, mind if I see my cousin?"

"Hm? I'll take you. It seems I have an issue to address with him anyway." He brushed loose strands of hair behind his ear, irritated that he'd soon have to retie it. It hadn't even lasted 'til noon.

 _Blunt and quick to decide, then steadfast in that decision...much like Hashi, but with more of Tobirama's thought and consistency behind it all, I suspect._ Well, she wasn't the type to waste chances, but she wasn't quite sure what this was a chance _for._

 

 

 

Senju Tobirama looked up as his cousin and the Uchiha clan head entered his laboratory. "Missed me already?"

"Maybe your face after a match," his cousin admitted blithely. Despite her comment, however, she seized him in a tight hug.

The white-haired Senju snorted. "Ah, the love and insults of family." He wrapped his arms about her in return and, despite sensing Madara's mild jealousy and yearning, ignored what emotion he felt from the other man for a time.

"And don't you forget it!"

"A word?" Madara wasn't about to admit to wishing he'd been in on the hug; he and Izuna were affectionate with each other, but mostly it devolved into sibling spats and hugs typically didn't happen. He'd...kind of like to have someone hug him, on occasion.

"Hm?" Tobirama was understandably distracted by his cousin's presence, but still couldn't shut off his abilities. Tōka blazed in his senses, a trace of well-buried anxiety that he knew came from him residing with their clan's most dangerous enemies, longing that must have been to see him because it was fading fast, fondness, and...potential mischief? _Oh, please, no!_

"It's about the Uchiha elders." Dark eyes narrowed thoughtfully at his brother's most dangerous opponent.

Tobirama flicked a glance to Tōka, confused. She shrugged. "Pretty sure Hikaku wants him to let you handle them, cousin." Her emotions were no secret, despite the flare of malicious amusement; the feral grin on her face said it just as clearly as her chakra.

"What?"

Wordlessly, the Uchiha clan head held out the note.

Accepting the paper, Tobirama read it quickly. His lips quirked. "So you're taking your cousin's advice?" _He's clever, certainly. Not even a week and he's figured out that my brother doesn't understand how to get things done effectively._ Which was not to say Hashirama couldn't get things done; they just weren't likely to stay done if he handled them alone. To be fair, Hashirama had to handle Tobirama when he got too distant, emotionally, and forgot that people weren't machines and he couldn't treat them as such. It was fair trade.

"Hikaku usually has his head on straight. I tend to end up yelling at them, anyway, and their acquiescence only goes so far." _Or so long._

Well, it wasn't a refusal. "You won't be upset if I deal with them?" _Weariness and mild irritation; fairly typical for someone dealing with elders from a position of clan authority._ He should know; he handled his own clan's elders for his brother most of the time.

"As long as there's no permanent harm done." _And even that I might allow,_ Madara thought. But he kept his mouth shut over the words.

"So, the same rules as Hashirama set."

Tōka smirked. "But he'll be less appalled than Hashi was the first time you put Granny and her cohort in their place."

"Hard to be more appalled," Tobirama agreed ruefully. "And then Uncle asked to learn how to do that."

She choked on laughter. "I thought Hashirama was going to give himself a heart attack, he was so mad!" Tōka traded grins with her cousin, only to lose her battle with amusement; she'd have collapsed if an outstretched hand hadn't caught hold of the table's edge. They basked in the shared memory of their clan leader's red face. Then a knock sounded.

"Hello?" It was a young voice.

Madara frowned. "Come in, Kagami," he invited. He'd just finished tying his hair back again; hopefully it would hold better this time.

A boy around eight years old entered, slightly disheveled and with mischief clear in his eyes. "Thank you, Clan Leader," he told the older Uchiha. He turned to face the white-haired shinobi. "Will you let me hide here sometimes?"

Every adult in the room blinked. "What?"

"Will you let me hide here sometimes?" Kagami obligingly repeated, a little slower like they were stupid.

"I...suppose," Tobirama conceded, glancing at the older Uchiha. "If Madara agrees."

"Why does he need to say yes? Isn't this your area?" The boy's confusion was endearing; Tōka smiled and sat back to watch the outcome.

"I'm a guest," was the dry answer. It wasn't nearly so biting as it might have been, probably because Kagami was a child.

"Oh." _I hadn't thought of that. He'd just...moved in. And Madara's acting like it's_ **him** _who's the guest here, so I'm not sure it's occurred to him, either._ Then he turned a pleading look on his clan leader. "Please?"

Madara glared at the other man. "You just want someone to intercede with his mother." The sad thing was, he could understand that. He just wished it wasn't an issue.

"It might be nice," agreed Tobirama. "Mostly I prefer to ensure that someone high up in the clan hierarchy knows when children attempt to hide in my company. Whether my own clan or another; I just don't bother asking permission at home." Back home, he was one of the highest ranked shinobi, well able to guard the children, and Mito, Hashirama and Tōka all knew to check with him for missing children before assuming the worst. Kagami shifted closer, as if he could sense the stories waiting to be told. The white-haired man dropped a hand down to ruffle his hair; it only made the child beam.

"Every time I see you with kids," Tōka informed her cousin with a smile, "I wonder how it is that your brother is the friendly puppy between the two of you and yet you're the one kids flock to."

A shrug. "They can tell they get to see sides of me most adults never will." Solving mysteries was a major lure to children, after all, and Tobirama was known to baffle most adults.

 _I get to see more still,_ Tōka thought to herself. _Hopefully the Uchiha catches the hint; he's seeing more than most adults are ever trusted with, too._

Unbeknownst to her, Madara saw...and read between the lines. He was honored to be allowed to see—and he wanted desperately to see more. This handsome Senju was competent in the extreme, which had always been a turn-on for the Uchiha, plus he was prone to fencing words the same way Madara did, and on top of that the man had a generous heart that few adults ever got to see...and Madara was allowed to see. _Gods, I hope he likes me. I am going to fuck things up, so please, let him like me enough to forgive me._ He was self-aware enough to know he was hard on relationships, needed forgiveness a lot. It was part of why no relationship he'd attempted so far had lasted, besides being clan head and having to set the clan's welfare above his relationships. But Tobirama was both sensible and a clan heir, helped run things with his brother, and...surely he'd understand the pressures of clan position?

A little boy with unkempt hair brought them all back to the present. "Will you train me? I want to be a strong shinobi, just like Madara-sama, but he doesn't have time to train me 'cause he's got to look after everybody."

Madara and Tōka froze at that unexpected hit to the heart, but Tobirama merely blinked. "You'll have to talk to Madara about that. I don't know your parents and they might not be okay with it."

"I'll talk to his mother," the clan leader agreed. "And I'll see if I can sneak away sometimes to join you." Watching the boy's face light up with glee made him proud of his young kin, but seeing Tobirama's eyes crinkle at the corners with pleasure? That was worth every effort to see again.

Tōka looked back and forth between the men, sharp gaze missing very little, indeed. _I knew he enjoyed spending time with children, but Tobes and Uchiha must have been spending a lot of time together for him to be so comfortable!_ She didn't know they'd spent a large portion of the past several days working together to set him up in a space safe for all, nor that they'd discussed a variety of topics long into the night and Madara'd been a bit bleary until around noon the past two days. Tobirama, often a night owl back home, had merely reverted to type and inadvertently discovered that a sleepy Madara let his guard down enough to be well worth humoring when he wanted company. There was a lot of potential there, but Tōka knew herself; she was not subtle enough to interfere with that, however much she wanted to.

Tobirama deserved someone who would love him just as deeply as he loved, after all. The Senju elders were cursing him for a cold and emotionless bastard—albeit quietly and in private—but her younger surviving cousin had always hid the depth of his emotions. He'd seen what revealing them did to Hashirama, so he'd hidden it all well under the surface, in places most would never look.

She might not have known what she wanted for herself, but she knew this: Senju Tōka wanted Tobirama to be happy. War had only ever made him tired, angry, or sad, so it was time to try another path. Peace. And if that meant she had to put up with Uchiha children abducting her cousin, at least the Uchiha clan head had an eye on them to defuse the worst situations.

Besides, he was smiling more here and she suspected that had something to do with not having to chase after and rescue Hashirama from whatever idiocy he'd gotten himself into. She might pity Mito for it, but she'd dump her clan head on the other woman without hesitation if it meant she could let Tobirama enjoy the respite.

 

 

 

Madara had had to leave on a clan matter, but Tōka was still in the lab when her cousin suddenly started putting things away again. She frowned. "I thought Hashi was back home?"

"He is," was the droll response. "But there's still one brother here who's oblivious enough to barge on in, heedless of safety. He's just not _my_ brother."

Clearly, the invader was someone's brother. She just wasn't prepared for _whose_ brother.

Izuna entered the lab with his mouth open to speak. Unfortunately, he tripped, rolling into a chair, then hit his head on the underside of a table when he made to get up. "Ow! Son of a bitch!"

"Don't talk about my mother that way," deadpanned Tobirama. Tōka recognized the tone, luckily, or she'd have taken offense.

Dark eyes narrowed. Izuna snarled yet more impolite things under his breath. When he'd collected himself, he said, "I need some help."

A beat of silence for the two Senju to absorb that.

"From me?"

"From him?"

"Yes," growled the Uchiha heir. "Madara's birthday is next month and I'm running out of ideas. I hate getting him the same thing twice!" Looking around, he noted half bare countertops and tables. He cursed himself. "And I barged in here again. I'm sorry. I'm still working on that."

Tobirama's mouth twitched in amusement. "Obviously.”

The other man scowled. “You don't have to be an ass about it.” They matched gazes for a long moment, until the Uchiha sighed. “Look, I just—you're observant. And my brother's been hanging out with you a lot every day for most of the last week. Toss a few ideas my way?”

His puppy eyes were pretty lethal, Tobirama mused. It was a good thing Hashirama's puppy eyes trumped all. Red eyes glinted with amusement as the two clan heirs settled down to discuss a potentially important business deal.

 

 

 

When the Uchiha clan elders barged into Tobirama's lab, bristling with indignation, Tōka felt her eye twitch. _It's one thing for the Uchiha clan head and clan heir to have the right to just walk on in; it's another for belligerent elders._ Pale eyes narrowed. In a tone dripping poisoned honey, she informed her cousin, “I'm setting up genjutsu trap wards for you here.”

Tobirama didn't so much as glance at her. “Same triggers and deactivation?”

Her grin was more baring teeth at enemies as she stared hard at the invading elders. “Sure, why not?”

Neither Senju required further conversation to confirm their next moves; Tōka took one step to the side and opened a faucet. Tobirama narrowed red eyes at the Uchiha elders, opted for a wave-type jutsu, and washed them out of his lab without further warning.

Izuna blinked. “That's the first time I've ever seen anyone get rid of the elders that way.”

“Pretty sure they're not used to Tobes' methods of management; _anyone_ who pisses him off can deal with the results on their own. Did you know he used his water dragon jutsu on his own brother first? Hashi's really good at riling his temper.” Tōka's snickering made her cousin roll his eyes, but it didn't interfere with her ability to construct genjutsu traps.

While she set up, Tobirama kept an eye out for returning elders. Izuna, for his part, was quiet and observant, impressed once again with the competence these two Senju exhibited. And had he mentioned how attractive they both were? His brother only had dibs on one of them....

Lust wafted from the Uchiha in the room so forcefully that the Senju heir took a moment while his cousin finished her wards and traps to wrestle his sensor abilities to lower sensitivity. The last thing he needed was to feel another's lust for his cousin, thanks....

 

 

 

Uchiha Madara was in a predicament. He had no idea of Senju wooing customs, still, and.... Suffice to say, he was in dire need of advice. So he went to his sole surviving aunt.

Her face was wizened but her eyes, keen as ever, saw through him. “Trouble in paradise?”

The noise he made was somewhere between a growl and a groan. “I have no idea how to woo the person I like,” he admitted grumpily.

“Senju?” she guessed.

“What the hell are their customs?” At this rate, he'd go bald; tugging on his hair was a stress-induced habit Izuna often teased him for.

His aunt shook her head at him in despair. “Forget the customs, nephew. Look at the one you're interested in. What does he like? You're a shinobi, now act like it.”

Chastened, the Uchiha clan head bowed in thanks. “You're the best aunt,” he said fondly.

“Clan heads aren't supposed to suck up,” she returned, scoffing. Her expression belied the words. When Madara left, an hour or so later, he was laden with lists of things she or another elder needed done...but he couldn't stop smiling. He had a plan of action; now to put it in motion.

 

 

 

A week into the month, the first gift arrived.

It was...excessive. Thoughtful, but overboard.

It wasn't that Tobirama didn't _like_ swimming, but what the hell had happened, anyway? Someone would have had to divert a river temporarily, or something equally insane or expensive, to fill a pool that large in the time he was elsewhere from one day to the next.

Izuna came up beside the Senju and whistled. “Wow, I know I told him to woo you, but isn't this a little much?”

Tobirama sighed through his nose. “You should know what kind of effect your advice will have on your brother before you give it,” he chided.

“What, you would have given your brother cautious advice on wooing?”

“He married Mito, didn't he?” was the wry retort.

Izuna graced him with a look demanding explanation.

“He'd come to me with ideas of what he could do; I'd ask him if he really thought she'd like them, if it was too much, if a subtle gesture might not win her over better than something over the top.”

“And?”

Tobirama smiled on a wave of nostalgia. “He told her any time she asked that I'd talked sense into him, explained what he'd wanted to do. She decided she appreciated a man who would listen and at least one close in-law who was sensible, so she married him.”

Utter confusion was clear upon his face. “... Senju are so weird.”

“That's your conclusion?” _Mito's an Uzumaki, not a Senju; she just married one._ This Uchiha was amusing, at least. Chalk one up to the pros of maybe marrying Madara. Speaking of the clan head, though, this certainly wasn't a dabbling attempt at wooing; this was jumping in feet first and landing in over his head!

Well, things would be interesting. Tobirama was fond of interesting as long as everyone he cared about was safe. Although Izuna might not be so safe, given his evident intentions toward Tōka.... _But I suppose that's his business, not mine._ He'd keep an eye on them anyway, just to ensure he was in position to intercept busybody elders.

 

 

 

Madara was making a mental list of all the things he knew Tobirama liked. The man had shown a notable preference for suiton jutsus in combat, so presumably he liked water; Madara got him a pool. A large one.

Okay, so it was big enough to double as a clan playground, but Izuna told him Tobirama had correctly guessed who the intended recipient was.

The Senju liked his experiments; Madara would restock his ingredients, see if there was anything he could help with.

Roses were out—and he growled again at the memory of Izuna suggesting them—but...maybe he would like to grow some things for his experiments? There was a plot of land that went with the building they'd converted into a laboratory....

Poetry was absolutely not Madara's thing, but Tobirama was practical and would likely eviscerate anyone who tried wooing him that way, so the Uchiha clan head could count his luck there.

They both could easily assess the potential political benefits and pitfalls, but perhaps it wouldn't hurt to discuss them? Mostly so Madara could figure out which way Tobirama leaned, of course.

Thank all the gods that most shinobi didn't have that civilian preoccupation with the gender of their sexual partners! He'd never be able to tell if Tobirama liked men without kissing him and risking death. … Also, perhaps, thank the gods for Hashirama's big mouth, because on their last river meeting, the brunet had asked if anyone had shown a liking for his brother, then gone on to say that the man cared less about gender than most ninja.

Lost in thought, Madara gazed contemplatively at a picture of his brother. He knew enough about being an older brother to not want to discuss any of this with Hashirama. Maybe the Uzumaki woman would be a good choice? Hikaku said she and Tobirama basically ran the Senju clan, after all, and that would require both sense and a certain close-mouthed mindset.

His hands reached for pen and paper before he'd consciously decided; he'd ask to meet her tomorrow, mid-morning.

 

 

 

Madara arrived at the riverbank meeting with his best friend's wife to discover she'd beaten him there and was calmly watching the water flow. She even had tea—two cups, a kettle, and a small fire to heat it on. It was disconcerting, to say the least.

“Is this about Tobirama or Tōka?” Mito queried lightly.

“Tobirama,” admitted the Uchiha, grumbling a bit. “I can ask him about Tōka; she might talk to him about anything I ask her.”

A smile lit the Uzumaki woman's face. “You've picked up on some of their quirks rather fast,” she told him.

“It helps that Tobirama's very upfront about anything he's willing to talk about.”

She nodded once in solemn agreement. “Yes, he has little patience for liars and a preference for efficiency.”

Madara couldn't help but think that was a severe understatement. Still, it took a minute for him to find a half decent way to phrase his question. “Is there anything particular a person interested in a relationship with him should know?”

Something about the way he said it must have given him away; Mito gazed thoughtfully at him for a long moment. “... He isn't used to people looking out for him. My husband is not so good as a brother,” _or sometimes even as a husband,_ “and Tobirama has always been the one who had to be reliable.” She paused for a second. “The time you and Hashirama were caught by your fathers? He'd known what was going on well before that; he'd sensed it. Brother trumped father, though, and he'd kept his silence. Hashirama never knew, never wanted to. If you want to be with him, you should.”

He hadn't actually said it was him who was interested in Tobirama, but she was highly perceptive. Madara nodded.

“Because he's not used to anyone looking out for him, he'll snap and snarl at you for it. Consistency and gentle pushing will go a long way toward making him more at ease with being taken care of occasionally.” Then she smiled. “Of course, you'll have to accept that he's going to look after you, too.”

A startled blink, then comprehension dawned. “He's already started that, at Hikaku's urging.”

“Oh?”

“My cousin suggested I let Tobirama handle our elders.”

Mito's grin, quickly hidden behind a fan, was a bit too toothy for polite society. “I see. That's a good start.”

They talked for another hour or so before parting. Madara had a lot to think about, but that was what he'd hoped for.

 

 

 

The next day, Madara left a note for Tobirama.

_As thanks for training the clan and tolerating my brother's antics, if you'll leave a list of items you need resupplied and what amounts you want for your experiments, I'll take care of it. And if you think I'm being excessive, maybe share some of your inventions?_

_Should be by later this afternoon._

_Madara_

With a snort, Tobirama set the paper aside. Well, he supposed he could handle that. It was still overboard, but at least it was the useful kind.

If this kept up, he'd have to find some way to even it out a little. Dealing with the elders was going to be more for peace than a relationship, after all.

 

 

 

Tobirama chewed another bite of lunch and considered, again, how to broach the subject. Finally he sighed and set his meal aside. “I don't understand what it is with Uchiha and over-the-top wooing,” he admitted. “You do it and I can tell your brother's about to, as well.”

 _With whom?!_ Madara wanted to demand, but the Senju was already continuing.

“But if he tries going overboard with my cousin the way you are with me? She will push him to his limits and there's still no guarantee she'll agree.”

Madara, of the opinion that the Senju Tōka he'd met would make a tolerable sister-in-law, was not particularly inclined to dissuade the younger Uchiha. Besides, Izuna being pushed to his limits would be good. Build character, and all that.

Okay, maybe Madara was an older brother and felt turnabout was fair play; Izuna had long been good at inspiring pettiness in his family. What he finally managed to state was, “Perhaps she'll be good for him.”

The disbelieving look Tobirama cast his way was utterly uncalled for.

On the other hand, maybe it was a good thing that Tōka was going home in the morning; it would give him more time to think of ways to embarrass his brother. Or encourage him; probably the Senju kunoichi would embarrass him plenty during his attempts at courtship. Madara was rather looking forward to the upcoming chaos, elders and courting and potential in-laws and all.

Unfortunately, he'd overlooked the fact that Tobirama had an older brother, too...and while Tōka appeared content to let her cousin figure out his own love life and Madara wouldn't mind her as his sister-in-law, that didn't mean Hashirama was going to think the same about anyone interested in _his_ younger brother.

 

 

 

Uchiha Hikaku was waiting by the gate with an overeager Hashirama when Tōka strode back inside the Senju compound. Mito was beside them, unreadable and still—and surely the only reason her husband hadn't pounced on his cousin for an update already.

“I can't even clean up first,” muttered the brunette kunoichi. Tobirama's companionship and obvious good health had put her in a much better mood, though, so she did no more than grumble. Aiming a smirk at Hikaku, she confided, “He's already started; not even two weeks and he's washed your elders out of his lab five times.”

Hikaku grinned. “It hasn't sank in yet, then?”

“I think he has plans.”

Mito eyed them both sharply. “Obviously, I am missing something.”

“We talked before I left and he advised his clan head to let Tobes handle the Uchiha elders.” There was a bit of malice in the brunette's smirk, but, to be fair, Hikaku's grin had a dark edge to it, as well.

 _Anyone who forgets or doesn't realize that he has little patience for fools and plenty of ability to do something about that deserves what they get,_ the redhead supposed.

“Besides,” and Tōka's smirk morphed into a gleeful grin, “he's got other things occupying his attention.”

“He's not homesick, is he?”

As one, the other three turned to grace Hashirama with varying expressions of disbelief.

“I just saw him, idiot, and I wouldn't know since I _was_ part of his home life come to visit!”

“Is he even capable of missing a place? He seems too practical for that; maybe the people.”

“I'm sure he's relieved to have a break from your excess enthusiasms, husband.”

A look of absolute betrayal quickly turned into pouting puppy eyes, which were ignored with the ease of long practice—even by Hikaku, who was long since used to Izuna's.

“Please, ignore the interruption,” Mito requested of the other kunoichi. “What were you about to tell us?”

Glee lit her face once more; Tōka leaned forward to inform them in a hushed, conspiratorial stage whisper, _“Madara's courting him.”_

There was a beat of silence, then Hashirama's face darkened with apoplectic rage. “He's _WHAT?!_ That _bastard!_ Some friend!” He made to storm off in the direction of the Uchiha compound, only to end up eating dirt, instead.

“You can wait there while the sensible people talk, then,” Uzumaki Mito informed him as she settled her weight back onto both feet. “If you get up before I tell you to, I'm sure your cousin will be just as pleased to fight you again as I will.” Turning her attention back to the other two, she pointed the folded fan she still held. “Your thoughts, both of you?”

Hashirama glared from his prone position, but a smart man listened to his wife...especially when that wife was Uzumaki Mito.

Tōka shrugged. “Tobirama hasn't told him no yet, so he's considering it. He's pretty relaxed around Madara, too. And the only constraint Madara gave him about handling the Uchiha elders was no permanent harm.”

“Hm....” Mito considered this for a long moment. “... Hikaku?”

“... I think...I think they could work.” He met the redhead's gaze steadily. “Madara's always had trouble with relationships because people get upset that he spends so much time on the clan; having someone who understands that—and even does similar for his own clan—would help. Just watching his relationships makes me lonely; surely it's worse for him.”

Information and opinions were given due consideration before Mito relented and called to her husband. “Hashirama, stand up and listen, please.”

The Senju clan head rose to his feet, barely holding back his rage. A warm hand on his arm made him look at the redhead despite his temper.

“What your clan and your brother need are the same thing in this instance. Do not lash out at your friend for Tobirama's sake. He will not thank you. As he respected your right to decide your own relationship, you need to respect his.”

Truth: the bitter pill.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have some birthday gift ideas, but if anyone has anything they particularly want to see, feel free to mention it. I may well work it in.


	3. A Matter of Clans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tōka just misses an invasion; Uchiha and Senju collaborate on defense and counterattack; Tobirama and company prepare for a complicated bit of politics, for which he has no compunctions about dragging Hikaku along.
> 
> Thus begins the reign of the Terror Trio, before they're given a group name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'd like to apologize for the delay with this chapter. I was moving, attended a graduation, and then my comp went down and, what with the moving and graduation trip, we haven't had money to fix it. Currently, I am borrowing.
> 
> Secondly, I'd like to thank angelxofxmine for a wonderful conversation on the second chapter, because brainstorming like that is awesome and I love the interaction (and both my friend Fei, who pre-reads for me, and another reader have enjoyed the insanity, so apparently we really are as funny as we think we are).
> 
> Thirdly, thank you to all the people reading this, because the influx of reviews and kudos is inspiring my muse after the crash and burn during the move.
> 
> I'd like to say I had an easy time getting back into the flow of the story after I moved and my comp went down, but that's not how it happened. Please bear with me; I'm doing much better these last couple days, but I think some conversation with my readers wouldn't go amiss. I am on tumblr ( @cuzosu-blog ) as well, trying to be more active.
> 
>  
> 
> Notes on names:  
> Kyūshū means pounce  
> Kanashimi means sorrow  
> Ashi means paw  
> Juhi means bark  
> and, since Kagami is her son and his name means mirror: Hikari means light

It had been a busy day. Tōka had returned home, Izuna had managed to restrain himself from doing dangerous things around Tobirama's experiments, and clan matters had buried him under a mountain of paperwork for the day. Now it was late evening and a well-deserved break was just what the clan head ordered; he was sitting at ease with the Senju as the sunlight faded.

“Does your cousin realize that my brother likes her?”

Tobirama scoffed at that. “I'm reasonably certain she was too focused on your attempts to woo me to notice your brother's interest.”

“Ah.” A smirk curved his lips. “In that case, I hope I'm there when she figures it out.”

“Or when he gives it away.”

 _Touche._ Madara finished the rest of his tea and sighed contentedly. His aunt had taken him aside earlier in the evening to inform him that she could not condone him having a relationship with Senju Tobirama, nor Izuna with Senju Tōka. Reading between the lines, she was offering to keep an eye on the more recalcitrant elders and therefore could not endorse their actions publicly. She'd already given him her blessing in private or the elders would have caught wind of his intentions sooner.

It was gratifying to know beyond doubt that people had his back, that he didn't have to fight all comers. And Tobirama opting to handle elders he had no blood tie to, whether for the sake of peace or for Madara himself, was both a weight off the clan head's back and very attractive. A peacemaker with sense was, to put it crudely, a wet dream come true—and besides, Madara valued those who valued his clan, especially if their own clan also held a place of much importance. At this point, Madara was starting to think he needed Tobirama as much as his clan needed peace.

 

 

 

Tobirama sighed when a disheveled eight year old toppled over his window sill into his lab. “Was the alternate entrance necessary?”

Kagami grinned, revealing a missing tooth. “They're looking for me. The door is obvious.”

Hard to dispute that. Still, it didn't mean the Senju heir was pleased, but...kids. He had a weak spot for kids and this one was clearly going to exploit it.

“Can you teach me stuff in here or should we sneak into the training areas?” was the immediate demand.

Glancing about the room, Tobirama thought for a moment. “What kind of technique did you want to learn first?”

“Everything!”

Ah, childish enthusiasm.... He could combine taijutsu and ninjutsu, teach the boy to a move that used both at once. If he kept it to a smaller scale, they could train in the lab for today. “... Come here, then,” the white-haired man finally told the boy.

Eager, the Uchiha child complied with haste—so fast he nearly tripped.

Tobirama steadied the boy, hiding a smile. Children had always been one of his major soft spots, despite being raised as a soldier in a time of indiscriminate warfare. Hashirama maintained it was because peace was the only way children had favorable chances to survive. Tōka insisted the mutual fondness between Tobirama and kids was because Tobirama had never had a chance to truly be one.

His lack of childhood had never inspired him to bear a grudge against Butsuma, unlike Hashirama, because Tobirama was enough like his mother to drive most of his clan mad on occasion. It was mix of pragmatism and loyalty to the point of ruthlessness; offense, after all, was the best defense. But as he looked at his Uchiha visitor, Tobirama was glad that peace was being made. Killing children was distasteful at best and never a wise choice unless one could be sure of slaughtering an entire clan; vengeance was an effective motivator. Much better to allow the younger clan members to treat combat as either play or competition for their early training.

A strong yet slender hand dropped onto Kagami's head, prompting the boy to look up from his current efforts—which went awry and were doused before harm could be done—and grin widely at the man so patiently teaching him. “I'm getting it, right?”

Mouth twitching up at one corner, Tobirama solemnly agreed. “I see progress. You still need work, but you are doing better already.”

With a brilliant grin, Kagami launched himself at the Senju. That was the sight which greeted Izuna, who forgot to knock but at least didn't rush in.

“Already corrupting our kids?” came the wry query.

“Your brother knew from the start that Kagami asked to come by.”

“And he didn't object, I see.” Izuna refrained—barely—from rubbing his hands together gleefully. “Interesting. He _really_ likes you.”

Tobirama eyed the almost malevolent grin. “...you're clearly planning on using this against him.”

“Of course!” Izuna bounced in lieu of cackling; Kagami didn't understand what the fuss was about, but he wasn't liking the interruption to his training. “He's my brother. It's practically my jo—OW! Son of a bitch!” Hopping on one foot, holding the other, the Uchiha heir glowered at his young kinsman.

Kagami glared right back, defiant and entirely unrepentant.

With a sigh, the Senju heir interrupted their standoff. “Language,” he noted, letting his toneless remark chide his counterpart. The glower transferred to him and Tobirama supposed anyone other than himself, Hashi, Mito, Tōka, and the other Uchihas would have been much more concerned about meeting that furious gaze than he was; he met Izuna's eyes evenly. “Is there a reason you're interrupting my trainee's lesson?”

The glare turned venomous. “When I'd much rather be courting your cousin?” he countered with a nasty smirk.

Amused, the white-haired man raised a brow. “She's capable of kicking your ass the second you slip up, you realize? And she won't bother about political sensibilities before she does it.”

Izuna scoffed. “Any Uchiha wooing a strong ninja expects to get their ass handed to them at least once—or they ought to.” Madara might not have thought that far ahead; he had peculiar blind spots where relationships were concerned. “Besides, I've seen her fight. That's part of the appeal.”

It occurred to Tobirama that the Uchiha as a clan were a mix of emotional masochists and complete sadists which would disturb most sensible people...but he was a logical man and there were differences between _logical_ and _sensible_ that had made the Senju clan—and Hashirama in particular—despair of him more than once. Still, sense or logic or no, he would rather not catch the lust as Izuna lost himself in daydreams. Using senbon to affect a temporary paralysis might have been overboard but it was _satisfying,_ damn it!

He felt completely justified as he, with Kagami on his shoulders, deposited a minutely twitching Izuna on Madara's office floor.

Madara rounded his desk to join them. “... Is he supposed to be a pincushion or a rug? I can't tell.”

Kagami broke down in giggles and almost fell from his perch.

Tobirama eyed the man whose courtship he was still considering. “Either. Both, for all I care. And if he continues thinking things I don't wish to sense when he's seeking me out, my retribution will get progressively worse, especially since I know who he's thinking about.”

Translation: _If you want him to remain unharmed, you should talk to him about letting his libido control his brain._ Madara could read between the lines. “I see.... It's been awhile since he returned as a pincushion, if I remember right.” One corner of his mouth twitched up. “Last time was...hm...didn't Hikaku and two of our sentry teams get you? You messed with their missions and it was collective payback, I think. Well deserved,” he added honestly.

The low growl from the floor made even Tobirama snort with amusement.

 

 

 

Dinner that night was a simple thing, stir fry and rice. They ate on a communal balcony their rooms opened onto, gazing at the setting sun. It was a calm night as they parted peacefully for rest; it didn't stay calm.

At one in the morning, Tobirama felt something trigger the wards Tōka had set up for him. Mere seconds after, something else hit the ones over Madara's quarters. A subtle summons later and he had feline aid slipping off to help as needed, with more on the way. He eased out of his rooms in a mission ready state, armed and armored.

Madara met him on the roof above their rooms; they shared a glance and each took a lookout. As he dropped his target with a broken neck, the Uchiha clan head grimaced. “Damn it. What the hell is this about?”

Tobirama shot him a glance laden with dry amusement over the corpse he'd summarily strangled. “Warmongers.”

Eyes slipping shut on a weary sigh, the older man voiced aggrieved long-suffering. “Why us?”

“Because my brother would not be nearly so thorough at investigating deaths as we would; if they want war, their best bet is to kill us—or your brother.”

“Shit!”

A restraining hand landed on Madara's arm. “I already sent him reinforcements of the large, feline variety.”

 _Feline? But our clan summons aren't LARGE felines...._ His confusion must have shown on his face; the younger male took pity enough to explain.

“My mother was Hatake; we summon wild things. I have a contract with the snow leopards.”

 _Large felines, right,_ was Madara's faint thought. Disturbing, yet...reassuring. Having this particular Senju as his spouse kept getting more and more appealing.

Then a scream of pain rent the night air. It wasn't Izuna's voice and it didn't sound like his clan, so Madara shared a look with Tobirama...and waited. Chakra uncloaked to goad enemies into attacking, they dropped lightly into the main courtyard and stood facing one another, conversing quietly.

Five houses away, something fled toward the compound wall, pursued by an Uchiha shrieking with rage. As the escapee jumped to the wall, something blurred from the shadows on an interception course. Impact sounded painful; Madara made out a large, feline shape just in time to see the erstwhile enemy gutted. The pursuing Uchiha skidded to a stop and spat something scornful at the deceased, then cast approving eyes over the snow leopard. He couldn't make out what was said, but the wildcat seemed smug afterward.

Snow leopard summons. The importance of that hit Madara harder than Hashirama's fist. Not only was he going to have to deal with Hashirama's reactions to his interest in Tobirama, but—felines. Large, aggressive wildcats who had chosen to contract with the Senju heir. He rubbed his eyes; this was going to be a hassle. Good thing Izuna and a few other clansmen summoned domestic cats. It behooved him to utilize all possible advantages, after all.

Shaking the thoughts from his head—this was the middle of battle in his home compound, damn it!—the Uchiha clan head spun around and deflected five shuriken into the ground. "Is that all you've got?"

Tobirama countered the attack from the other side, catching a pair of kunai and bouncing a third up into the air. A long, lean shadow leaped for it, revealing white fur dappled with black markings on a wildcat the size of a horse. The Senju nodded to his summoned friend. "Yes, I was hoping for more of a workout."

The snow leopard dropped the kunai, placed a paw on it, and rumbled, a sound so deep it was impossible to tell if it was growl or purr. "Well, it's a good training exercise for the younger kinsmen and I'm sure you have sufficient sparring partners who can at least push you."

Madara flung two kunai and a fireball jutsu at his opponent; his interest sharpened greatly when the shadowed figure managed to escape the worst of his counterattack.

That the enemy managed to dodge even some of Madara's blows caught Tobirama's attention, too. _High in the ranks of this conspiracy, I would wager._ To the clan head at his back, he suggested, "Trade me."

With a firm nod and eyes flicking between enemies, Madara nodded. He could take out either enemy, but leaving them alive was more trouble than he usually bothered to take. The Senju was much more precision oriented.

They swapped places with the practiced ease of competent shinobi and Madara leaped forward as Tobirama triggered a hiraishin seal, appearing behind his new opponent. A quick flurry of movement and some strategic use of restrictive seals later, Tobirama's attention returned to Madara. He wasn't needed, but he'd known he wouldn't be; that erstwhile enemy was now smears and splatters interspersed with misshapen lumps of charred flesh. The snow leopard present was watching the clan head from the corner of his eye, an air of appraisal mixed with apprehension and approval about him that most humans would miss.

 _Interesting,_ the Senju heir thought to himself. _They're going to test him?_ On the one hand, it was nice that they cared enough to stick their noses in his business. On the other hand, he got enough of that from his cousin and, especially, his brother. _But if I argue, the matriarch will just sit on me while the rest of them follow her orders and do it anyway._ Retaining his freedom of movement was by far the more preferable option. With a soft huff and a slight shake of his head, he stepped forward to rejoin the other two, one bound enemy dragging behind him. "Have any specific questions you want asked?"

Madara's eyes glinted. "I can think of a few."

In silent, predatory agreement, they smiled.

Arriving unnoticed by all save the wildcat, Izuna blinked, utterly astounded. _Fucking hell, they even managed to make discussing prisoner interrogation sound like flirting. This IS serious._ Then the importance of that thought hit him. _Son of a bitch, they're cold bastards sometimes and apparently my brother thinks it's a turn-on. I really didn't need to know that...._ If he decided retreat was the better part of valor for the time being, well, at least neither of them had seen him yet.

Immediately after, he found himself confronted by a snarling canine and cursed. _Inuzuka!_ The Uchiha set Sharingan whirling, freezing the dog momentarily. Unfortunately, no genjutsu ever held an Inuzuka's dog for long; scent was not so clearly depicted by a human's genjutsu as a dog's olfactory senses could discern, which made it an obvious tell.

Just as the canine shook itself loose of the genjutsu, another furry shadow dropped. Its landing knocked the other animal sprawling and the snow leopard that arrived had no issues hefting it by the scruff. “Our summoner will be very interested in your company,” rumbled a low, female voice.

Izuna was starting to wonder if this was a Sharingan illusion, because when the hell did that damned Senju and his snow leopards overrun the compound?

In the darkness above, a black summon cat flicked his tail dismissively and walked away to find others he could lead into ambush.

 

 

 

Tobirama felt another's urgent need to be elsewhere—Izuna?—and dismissed it as either just desserts or unimportant. Far more imperative was the captive. He hummed softly in thought. “If you want to deal with the rest of the unfinished business, I'll take this one to my lab. Kyūshū can sit on this one, should it come to that.”

Action sounded appealing. Madara debated pros and cons with himself for a moment before capitulating. “Meet you there when I'm done.”

Fully trained, fully grown ninja, neither man spent more than a moment looking back at the other. To the Senju, the Uchiha clan head was a fierce warrior, woken from slumber but still quite capable of wiping the floor with any of their current opponents, a man whose temper was roused but who still fought with sense. To the Uchiha, the Senju heir was brilliant—cunning and sharp, intelligent and fearsome even when pulled from his rest, a man who posed more true danger to his enemies than Hashirama because he fought as dirty as necessary to protect his own; in short, a man he desperately wanted as an ally...and, if Madara somehow managed not to bungle the courtship, his spouse.

Time would tell. In the meantime, Madara changed his focus deliberately; there were enemies still needing dealt with and too much effort spent on worrying would only ensure his failure. He'd managed to botch every relationship before this; so far, he'd had not even a true argument with Tobirama in the span of a week, which certainly broke his previous record for amiable relationships. Distracting himself with combat was effective. Two leaps and he was redirecting himself toward another intruder, kunai drawn and off hand loose in case he needed a jutsu.

 

 

 

The intruder hit the floor with a grunt, cursing. He'd attempted to snarl on the way over, only for Kyūshū to one-up him with a much more menacing version.

Tobirama loomed over the man, seemingly impassive. He knew his reputation was cold and inspired no little terror in enemies; Hashirama's occasional grumble mid-battle upon catching sight of one or another of his techniques had long had its own repercussions—and the more their enemies feared the Senju heir, the more the clan head gazed reprovingly at him, all unknowing. Tōka and Mito sat down and drank with the clan head one evening over it, only for all three to come to the conclusion that Hashi's obliviousness was, in this case, an asset. It was just also occasionally irritating to find one's self being accused of things one hadn't actually done, was Tobirama's opinion.

Now, he used that reputation, activating one of Tōka's subtle genjutsu traps to layer fear and inspire honesty. “Trespassing in the Uchiha compound? You're either brave or reckless.” His tone was amused and dark, menace underlying the humor.

Brown eyes glared at him. “You're a Senju! Why are you even _here_?!”

Perhaps it was an attempt at violence that jerked the prisoner's bonds, or perhaps it was an accusatory gesture; either way, the man was unable to complete the movement and leaned harder against his own knees to glare at the white-haired shinobi. Whatever the case, Tobirama remained unruffled. “Your contacts haven't said? Uchiha and Senju clans are negotiating a peace treaty. Two of us traded places to play hostage while the details are dealt with.” His head tilted; a faint smile graced his lips. “Unless I miss my guess, your contact knew and deliberately withheld that information.”

A soft growl from just outside the door caught their attention; Tobirama let Kyūshū keep an eye on their captive while he checked who was wanting something this time. Upon opening the door, he paused. “Ah. Kanashimi,” he greeted the female snow leopard. “Another prisoner?”

She deposited the dog with relative kindness on the floor in sight of the humans. “He smells like your catch.”

“Does he, now?” Amusement and idle curiosity laced the Senju's tones. He cast a knowing look at the captives and raised a brow. “Anything you'd like to tell me?” A slight smirk quirked his lips.

Silence fell as the prisoner considered the new situation. With a low growl, he dropped his defiant air; no point risking himself or his partner when the Senju smelled like he was offering fair terms. Besides, his clan head had said nothing about getting embroiled in politics between the two biggest clans in the country! “That sorry son of a bitch...! If I help you set him up, what are your intentions?”

Satisfaction crinkled the corners of red eyes. “Letting him die would be too easy, though if he's a clansman, I may not be able to prevent that ruling. Doesn't mean I have to ask nicely when I interrogate him—and my fellow hostage is subtle enough I might just ask him to throw some of his clan's genjutsu at the matter.” A thin smile. “My sister-in-law will be more than happy to keep people away for us.”

The prisoner spent a long moment weighing the truth of that statement; the scales obviously tipped in Tobirama's favor, because brown eyes narrowed and he nodded.

As confessions went, it was anticlimactic, but the clans' reactions wouldn't be. And after a short discussion, the canine ran home with a message for his own clan head.

 

 

 

“Want to bet on culprits?” Izuna asked his brother idly. He was flipping kunai while the snow leopards finished hunting; even Madara had ceased retaliating for the invasion. Now he was cleaning and sharpening the weapons he'd used.

Madara grunted, unwilling to wager when he was uncomfortably certain it would be an Uchiha elder behind it. The only question was which.

Izuna heaved a dramatic sigh. “You're no fun,” he accused. “We used to have fun even despite our responsibilities; what happened to you?”

That garnered a droll look. “I took over Father's position.”

Making a face, Izuna conceded the point. The silence was comfortable as they sat outside the Senju's lab. Finally, the younger Uchiha spoke again. “Why'd he take the prisoner here, anyway? We have cells.”

Madara just shrugged. “I'm sure he'll explain it if he knows we're curious.” Tobirama had been good about that so far, after all. Better than an enemy clan had any right to expect. Kind of reminded him of Hashirama's insistence that no one was truly an enemy, really. Although Tobirama was more sensible about it.

Hell, maybe there _was_ something to their kill-them-with-kindness mentality. It certainly seemed to work with Uchiha clansmen....

 

 

 

Uzumaki Mito didn't turn a hair at the unexpected missive bearing Tobirama's seal. She also wasted no time in breaking said seal. It was a curious note.

_Mito, apologies for the rush. Please bring Hikaku back to the Uchiha compound temporarily. I have something I think could use his subtlety, maybe Tōka's as well._

_The rest of your group is, of course, up to your judgment._

_Tobirama_

With a thoughtful hum, she made her way to the other kunoichi, finding her in a training field. “If you would, please, I need to meet with you and Hikaku, probably best in Tobirama's quarters.”

Tōka straightened and blinked. “Okay.”

Thankfully, Hikaku was in said quarters and easily pinned down for a quick conversation. His mild anxiety at being cornered by two dangerous kunoichi spoke well of his sensibility. “Might I ask what this is about?”

Mito slipped her brother-in-law's note from its hiding spot in her sleeve and proffered it. Reading took scant time.

After a weighted pause, Hikaku asked, “Just like that?”

The Uzumaki woman hummed thoughtfully. “Something happened,” she disagreed mildly. “For him to be so brusque with _me,_ something happened.” She thought some more. “Something involving your clan in more than the obvious ways, if he's requested your presence.”

They sat a moment in silence, digesting that, before Tōka threw her piece out there. “I wonder if this has something to do with your Elders.”

Frozen, Hikaku managed to blink, swallow past a dry throat, and rasp, “Fucking hell.”

Tōka was pleased. “We'll get to see it all.”

“Should we bring the Senju clan head?” Hikaku queried of the women.

Mito pondered on it briefly, then shook her head. “No, the clan will think he's sugarcoating things again if he relays the events; Tobirama's not that sort, nor Tōka, and I'm about as infamous among the clan for my peacekeeping methods as Tobirama is.”

They separated to pack and Tōka snagged a pair of guards to go with them, leaving the task of informing Hashirama to his wife.

Hikaku didn't envy her that.

 

 

 

Izuna stood by the gates as the Senju party and his cousin strode into the compound. “Hikaku, looks like they're treating you well.” He hadn't been at all sure the other clan would. Now, he was merely grateful.

Hikaku returned the greeting with a pleased but distracted smile. “Yes, any problems so far have been easily resolved. Where are we supposed to meet Madara and Tobirama, anyway?”

Mild confusion crossed the Uchiha heir's face. “We set him up with a lab and for some reason, he took the prisoner there.”

Tōka snorted. “Of course he did. Keep the evidence in an area he knows is secure, as opposed to a place he's unfamiliar with. He's very sensible about these things. Besides, he has everything there to mix up a sedative, too.”

 _I am going to have to get used to being around other calculating people than just Hikaku, clearly,_ Izuna mused. “This way,” he told the others, then started in the direction of the lab.

It didn't take long to arrive, even at a walk. The entire compound was curious, but still wary enough of Senju to leave room for ease of movement while the clan's head and heir bustled in and out.

The door opened smoothly, quiet but not silent, and the mixed clan party entered. To their consternation, they found the erstwhile prisoner sitting free, idly spinning a kunai while he conversed with Tobirama.

“Cousin,” Tōka said slowly, “I thought he was a prisoner.”

A rueful look from the stranger. “Well, I _was._ But I'm not stupid, either, and he was kind enough to point out some backstabbing aimed at both of us. Bad form to back out on a contract, but worse to let them get away with treachery while under contract. Invites bad behavior.”

Everyone in the room nodded. Shinobi sensibility rang all throughout those words.

“And my clan had no intention of getting involved in any potential conflict between your clans, but apparently someone set us up.” His low growl, flashing eyes and pointed canines evidenced which clan he belonged to nicely.

Mito nodded. “Yes, I don't like being used as a pawn, either,” she agreed. The look she gave her brother-in-law showed pride and fondness in equal measure. “I knew you were the right choice for this. Hashirama seemed to think it ought to be him, since he's friends with Madara. I told him no.”

Tobirama blinked. “... Yes, that would have been a disaster,” he conceded. Hashirama wasn't cut out for turning the opinion of an opposing clan as fast as his brother could. Not only was he not very astute at politics, but half the issue was to make the children and their parents feel at ease with the Senju—and where Tobirama was seen as cool and fun to learn from once they overcame their fear of him, Hashirama clearly portrayed himself as another child, in their eyes. Fun to play with but not someone who would make a good ally, necessarily. The Senju heir rubbed his temple briefly, then turned to his erstwhile prisoner. “When do you think your clan head will arrive?”

Inuzuka Ashi tilted his head in thought. “... If he's as pissed about the news as I was? Tonight. If he's more concerned about me, then tomorrow or the next day with extra backup.”

The Senju heir dipped his own head in acknowledgment. “Let's hope it's tonight, then.”

 

 

 

Inuzuka Juhi, leader of his clan, stepped through the compound gates with only one more Inuzuka—but they were accompanied by five dogs, ranging widely about them. The husky seemed alert but not suspicious, the Akita anxious to reunite with his partner, and the other three were reserving judgment.

Madara met them just inside the gate. Greetings were brief; he rather liked the brusque attitude of the Inuzuka clan, he had to admit. “Your clansman is this way.” Turning, he led them to the lab.

When Senju Tōka fell into step behind them, the Inuzuka clan head gave her a curious look. “So what's all this about, anyway? I get a message from a Senju that I have a clansman at the Uchiha compound and there are details involved I might want to know firsthand?”

She shrugged in response. “Tobes is cryptic when he thinks there's information that might need to be handled carefully. I don't know, but as many of the Uchiha elders have been assholes to him since he arrived, I wouldn't be surprised if one's involved. He's kept Ashi in his lab with him, because he knows the exits, I set up his defensive wards not even a week ago, and he's got ready access to whatever he needs for explosives, treating injuries, or sedating people.”

“Clever,” admitted the Inuzuka.

They stopped in front of the lab, then, and Madara rapped on wood and called out, “I'm guessing this is everybody?” as he stepped inside.

Ashi grinned and bounded forward to greet his canine partner, ignoring his clan for the time being.

For his part, Juhi felt utterly poleaxed. “You...let him free? Even though he invaded your compound?” he asked of Madara, bewildered.

Madara shrugged, showing signs of mild annoyance, then gestured to the white-haired Senju. “I left Ashi in his hands upon capture, figuring he'd be more likely to get honest, in depth answers. Come back and find out he's not only untied your kinsman but sent his partner back to you with a message without consulting me beforehand,” grumbled the Uchiha.

One brow rose in polite disbelief. “You wouldn't have agreed?”

“That's not the point! You didn't even ask!”

Izuna covered his mouth in a vain attempt to hide his laughter. “No, it's not the point,” he informed his counterpart, mock-solemn. “The point is, you usurped his authority and took care of his clan without him. It's obviously a problem.” When his brother turned a sour glare on him, the Uchiha heir broke out laughing.

A disgusted glance between Tobirama and Madara clearly communicated how fed up both were with the antics of brothers, but the Senju continued on topic, regardless. “I'm not going to stop to consult you for something any sensible leader would agree to when it's a time sensitive matter. If you really think it's a problem, talk to Hashirama—or Mito.” He flicked a quick, slyly smug look at his sister-in-law, who lifted one elegant brow in silent censure.

For a long moment, the Uchiha clan head glared at his Senju hostage. Then Izuna leaned in to whisper in his brother's ear. “You know, if you want him as bad as I know you do, you might want to ease up. He's going to do his best for the people he cares about; stopping him will only make him not want to care.”

The glare transferred to Izuna and worsened as the clan head found the chakra for a fireball jutsu churning near his fingertips. “... Fine!” he finally spat.

As Madara took up a position against one wall, Tobirama took charge of the meeting again. “Thank you all for coming. This is a matter of clan politics and,” he met Juhi's eyes squarely, “I have every reason to believe your clan had no intention of getting involved in anything this big. I think we'd all like to get to the bottom of this, however, so, to that end: Mito, would you mind wrangling the elders?”

Her head tilted ever so slightly in curiosity. “You didn't call Hikaku here for that?” She knew full well he'd handle his own elders better than either Madara or Izuna.

“No,” was the instant rebuttal. “I want him involved in the investigation.” He turned to Hikaku and raised a brow in query.

“Of course,” he agreed, nonplussed. He had a feeling this was highly important.

“Good.” This time, his attention focused on the Inuzuka. “If you and those who accompanied you would like to witness, I think my cousin can set up a hidden observation post. Ashi, Madara, Izuna, and I have discussed plans of action and decided how we'd like to play this.” A small, cruel smirk crossed his lips. “Our little mastermind is unlikely to see this coming. But, if you'll give me a moment, I'll brief Hikaku on his part.”

Cautious nods of agreement met his words.

Filling his fellow hostage in took scant time; they were ready in short order. Tōka hid the Inuzuka and laid subtle genjutsu around the room to enhance what was already present, while Mito guarded the door from nosy bystanders. No sense making any of this worse than it had to be, after all.

Ashi's partner sneezed and thumped his tail with laudable pretend weakness on the ground; he'd been covered in illusion to appear wounded and was playing the part with a deft touch borne of experience. To one side stood Madara and Izuna, watching coldly and with a fierce protectiveness that stirred approval in the Inuzuka. Hikaku waited with his hostage counterpart, supposedly standing guard over Ashi and the 'wounded' Akita.

The elders came in en mass, all seven of them who reigned supreme over their age group, mixed with a smattering of younger but influential Uchiha kin. One of those faces belonged to Kagami's mother, Hikari.


	4. Terror Trio: Baby Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, sticking their noses where they don't belong is a Senju trait, period. Uncle, cousin, brothers...they all do it. Inuzuka Ashi seems to think this is an invitation to play.
> 
> Or: The Uchiha clan finds out just how much most of them don't want to mess with the Senju, then witness Tobirama making friends. It's a toss up which is the scarier prospect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFG, apparently I'm ridiculous. *bangs head on wall* The cats and dogs thing is getting out of hand....
> 
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> 
> Title because this is the first time they're all actively working together from the beginning. If you don't know the three I mean...you might enjoy the brainstorming on chapters two and three. XD
> 
>  
> 
> Also, you should know that I believe Tobirama is much like Sanzo from Saiyuki; great with kids and animals, low tolerance for adults. It fits, right?
> 
>  
> 
> Tired of editing and don't want to wait on my pre-reader. If anything stands out that I maybe messed up on, let me know, please! Thank you!
> 
>  
> 
> Kishō means temper.  
> Mado means window. Figured I'd keep in the same general theme as other family names, plus there's the illumination angle.  
> Kōgeki means attack, maru means circle, so: attack circle.

Hikari was positive she hadn't been summoned because of Kagami, this time. At least, she didn't see how her son would have been involved with whatever called the Inuzuka here. So she glanced covertly about the room—the lab, which had not been to her expectations the first time she'd stepped foot inside—and assessed the faces.

There were Senju, two of whom she knew, and a redhead who was probably the Uzumaki who'd married the Senju clan head. Presumably, the other Senju were lower ranking clansmen and she wouldn't have to worry about them. An Inuzuka sat with his injured dog, glaring fiercely at them. Leaning against the wall was her clan head, Madara, and his brother. Most surprising was Hikaku's presence; he was playing hostage for the Senju while the clans negotiated a full alliance.

It wasn't anything resembling a typical meeting, even over a prisoner. She supposed the Inuzuka's hands had been left untied simply because his dog was severely injured and they'd never be able to fight free of this gathering.

Hikaku met her eyes calmly, despite being surrounded by Senju; his counterpart was surrounded by Uchiha and equally calm, perhaps aggravated.

They were up to something. She couldn't quite put her finger on  _what,_ but they were up to something. Hikari had known Hikaku since he was tiny; she could read him like a book, even if sometimes he read like a murder mystery and she didn't figure out the truth until everything was said and done. Tobirama was more difficult to read, but the fact that he'd bothered with a poker face instead of his only mildly inscrutable expressions told her enough.

She also knew it wasn't her place to give up the game, because Madara had an edge of pissed that only more distant family could evoke in him, while Izuna pretended with the best of them under a facade of cheer and barely hidden violence. Hikari might not know why they'd brought her in for this meeting—or unveiling, or whatever it ended up being—but she knew she was there because there was an element of trust because of her son and his involvement with so many of the players here.

 

 

 

Inuzuka Ashi was glad he didn't have to hide his snarl when the Uchiha elders entered; he doubted he'd have had quite that much self control. So he bared his fangs with rage and snapped, “Contract null and void; I'm not a fucking scapegoat for your own damn clan, asshole!”

As one, the entire room turned their eyes to Uchiha Kishō.

“Uncle?” came Hikari's voice, shot through with betrayal.

“It was for the clan, girl!” snapped the bitter elder.

“Because peace and a treaty with our strongest and most dangerous opponents isn't going to keep more of our clan alive?” Hikaku retorted cooly. The underlying tone clearly called the older man an idiot.

“Respect your elders, boy!”

“He does,” interjected Izuna, brow raised in mild amusement; hidden beneath the humor was black rage of untold depths, because family was supposed to support, not undermine. “I have yet to hear him disrespect any of our elders, wouldn't you agree, brother?”

Madara's eyes flashed with bitter satisfaction and no little rage of his own. “Oh, certainly.”

 _Holy fucking hell,_ Ashi thought, watching everything play out according to the plans of three manipulative but clan-oriented ninja.  _I am SO glad I'm not the one who pissed them all off!_ Because if the former elder wasn't dead by morning, the Inuzuka would be extremely surprised. Perhaps even concerned, because torture wasn't something these people had made their reputations around.

“You're taking the word of some  _mutt_ over your own kin?!” demanded Kishō.

 

 

 

It wasn't every day Izuna got to watch his younger cousin play understated badass; he was rather enjoying it. Hikaku had this way of making everyone underestimate him—though how long that would last, since he and Tobirama appeared to be  _bonding,_ Izuna had no idea. Still, it was a treat to watch. And seeing the Senju and his redheaded sister-in-law manage a three-person tag team was phenomenal. He'd never seen the like, including from his own clan.

He kind of wanted to see it again, actually, and wasn't  _that_ galling? Wanting to see more of his erstwhile worst enemy?  _Father would be rolling in his grave,_ Izuna acknowledged silently. But—Madara. His brother was living and had always been of more importance to him, personally; their father was more of an absentee than authority figure, for them if not the rest of the clan...and Madara was rather invested in the Senju heir. It would have been offensive if he hadn't gone so overboard he'd had both younger brothers commiserating about older brothers who didn't seem to know when enough was enough.

Speaking of, maybe he'd see if Mito would humor him and share some stories of Hashirama's excessive attempts after this was handled; it was bound to be interesting.

 

 

 

Hikari blinked when the redheaded kunoichi slipped inside the lab again, followed by Hikaku—when the hell had they disappeared?—but she didn't have to wonder what they'd been up to, because Kagami entered just after, solemn in a way it hurt her heart to see and keeping his two companions between him and everyone else until he could squeeze between Madara and Tobirama on the counter. Watching the Senju heir absentmindedly push an experiment further down toward his cousin, whose gorgeous gray-green eyes were a tad distracting even for an ocular-focused clan, Hikari knew she'd chosen right when she agreed to let him teach her son.

“Uncle?” came Kagami's soft query.

The room froze in consternation at having an eight-year-old slip in and interrupt, but it was the underlying hurt in his voice that kept them silent and waiting. No ninja survived for long without intelligence.

“Know your place, child!” Kishō brushed his great nephew off, preoccupied with the adults in the room.

It was a move he'd come to regret.

“Uncle,” Kagami said again, persistent and bold enough to ask because of his faith in his mother and the adults standing on either side of him. “Why don't you want peace? Is making friends so bad?”

Half the ninja in the room bit their lips to keep from laughing at the childish outlook. Seconds later, no one found it amusing at all.

“I saw the papers,” confessed the boy. “The ones you signed that say people should die. And—and maybe I'm too young, maybe I don't get it, but Madara and Izuna and Hikaku want peace, so I don't think that's it. But the papers—I saw them, I saw their names, Izuna and Hikaku and Tobirama-sensei top of the list, and—you're wrong, you know? Peace and friendships and learning from each other, that's the right way to be safe. Killing someone just means someone new wants to kill you and you probably don't know it.”

There was a pregnant pause, filled with cascading emotions and unsaid words, before Uchiha Kishō snapped, “Snooping, nephew? Figures my worthless niece's get would. But I'd like to see proof and not a child's lies,” sneered the old man.

The look of hurt on Kagami's face had many taking steps forward, opening mouths, but it was Hikaku who broke the tableau. “Funny thing is,” he mused from his perch atop a set of cabinets Tobirama had informed him weren't holding anything terribly dangerous, “you seem to believe Kagami went alone.” Holding up a sheaf of papers, he held every eye riveted for a long moment. “But we're not stupid and not all Senju are as bad at genjutsu as you seem to think.”

“Well said,” agreed Tōka, a wicked grin lighting her face. She dispersed the genjutsu with two hand signs and a gesture, too quickly for most to follow.

If her son weren't in the middle of this, Hikari would have buried her face in her hands from sheer despair that a close relative had done so despicable a deed. As it was, she cast a virulent glare at her uncle and kept her senses open wide. Perhaps too wide.

 

 

 

Senju Tobirama mostly stayed out of the trouble brewing in his lab, instead opting to observe. Keeping an eye on the situation certainly wasn't without its perks, either, as he witnessed the many astounded faces and all around discombobulation that seemed to go rounds about the room. And then a light touch tickled his sensory ability, a touch too firm to be dismissed and with an uncertain undertone that made him think,  _Untrained._ Red eyes cast about the room; he needed to observe carefully, in any case. But the tendrils of barely formed sensor web colliding with his own were irksome and mildly painful. Still, he tweaked the other web to connect only to him, knowing an untrained sensor in a room heading for major and possibly violent confrontation was asking for trauma if he hadn't.

Refraining from a sigh and rolling eyes was difficult, mostly because it was an ingrained habit back home. Tobirama cast his own senses wider again, knowing the risk of sensing Izuna lusting after his cousin and doing it despite that for the sake of the child sitting beside him.

Juhi was focused on the hunt, on bringing his prey to bay and winning. Not unusual, in an Inuzuka, and the woman he'd brought with him radiated protective rage. Ashi, of course, was resolutely doing his part to counter the potential damage from the attack he'd been tricked into, and Tobirama felt a flicker of fondness for the other shinobi.

Madara was a beacon of righteous fury, kinship winding into twinned protectiveness and betrayal. His brother felt no such protectiveness, had gone straight past betrayed to done with it; hard to fault that reaction. Their cousin was grim and solid as he said his piece, sorrow flickering through for only a moment. Mercy wasn't a word Hikaku generally used, if his emotions were anything to go by.

Tōka was a reliable wall, convictions burning brightly when others flagged; in that, at least, she was much like Hashirama, though her ideals were nowhere near so shiny. Mito, ever the stalwart guardian, was both enjoying playing door guard and sad that supposedly wise elders had behaved in such a manner. If she truly wanted to, Tobirama's fairly sure she could take over the world; thankfully, it held no appeal for her.

He glanced about again, taking in Kagami's mother, Hikari. Just as he was about to look away, something caught...not his eye. Something caught his attention, fine tendrils of—oh.  _Huh. Looks like Kagami isn't the only one who needs lessons with me._ Clearly visible for one who knew how to see the signs, Hikari was an untrained sensor. She was lucky to have survived so far, truly. Untrained sensors tended to be their own worst enemies in the field. His eyes narrowed at the thought.  _In the field. Has she not been able to work much for that reason or some other?_

As he resolved to discover those answers, Kishō exploded into action. One hand flung shuriken as he leaped toward Kagami, probably guessing that his only chance of making it out alive was to have a hostage.

Unluckily for him, Tobirama had been expecting that—and had had Hikaku instruct the boy to place himself between his sensei and his clan head for just that reason.

Letting Madara and Izuna deal with the flying weaponry, the Senju heir caught Kishō and broke his wrist, then let forward momentum drive the old man gut-first into a stool. While he was winded, the white-haired shinobi plucked his student from the counter and set him on his shoulders. “You didn't really think that would work, did you?” came the dry query.

Shoulders heaving as he gasped for breath and fought tender muscles, the former Uchiha elder glared. He muttered something uncouth and bared his teeth.

Tobirama sighed. “See, this is boring and you're not getting out on your own terms, no matter who you think you can get past.” He carefully didn't look at Tōka, guarding Ashi and his canine friend while simultaneously maintaining a room-wide genjutsu. “There's only one answer I want: Who handled this from the Senju's end? Because I know a diversion this big couldn't come from just your own amassed funds—supplemented by whatever else you could get your hands on.”

Tōka flicked her hands and removed the genjutsu from everyone else in the room, save only Kishō. Many gasped on seeing two more Inuzuka and four more dogs, standing close and staring at one old man with no little anger.

Kishō, however, fell further into her manipulations. Screams and cries rang out, broken pleas; no one was sufficiently moved to take his side, whatever she had him seeing. Not after he'd attempted to hold his own great-nephew hostage to save his own sorry hide.

The name he gasped out, however, surprised every Senju present.

Sputtering weak laughter, Tōka slanted a glance at her cousin. “Oh, no.... He's at it again....” Distracted, she dispelled the remainder of her genjutsu.

Izuna frowned, looking between them. “You seemed surprised to hear his name, but whatever it is you think he's doing,  _that_ doesn't surprise you a bit.” It was phrased as a statement, but the tone made it a question.

“Isn't he...?” Hikaku trailed off, eyes intent on the Senju heir.

Tobirama sighed. “Of course my uncle played everybody on that end.” Rolling his eyes, he added, “No wonder there weren't any attacks on the Senju compound.”

After a brief pause, Tōka concurred. “Yeah, it's definitely Uncle's style. Keeping the clan safe in the sneakiest way possible while still maintaining the peace we're all setting up.”

“Tell Uncle I want to see him, please,” the Senju heir said to his cousin. Despite the phrasing, it was not a request.

She grinned. “Do I get to observe?”

He graced her with a dry look. “Is there any point in trying to keep you away?”

Senju Tōka bouncing with glee on her way to—probably violently—coerce her uncle's presence at the Uchiha compound was not an everyday sight.

Tobirama turned to Hikari and treated her to a thorough evaluation via sensor ability. “You need training,” he told her implacably. “Sensor capabilities are a danger to one's self and therefore one's comrades and kin. You like the emotions around you quiet and that's understandable, but it won't help when everything goes to hell.” He'd seen how his own emotions alone had overwhelmed her for a short period. It was enough of a grasp on her strength as a sensor for now.

Hikari frowned at her son's teacher, soon to be her teacher, and asked, “When?”

Scheduling lessons took a mere couple minutes; the silence that followed her leaving was eventually broken by Madara.

“So what, exactly, is it you think your uncle did?”

“If I know him at all,” and the droll tone stated just how familiar he was with his uncle's antics, “he took extra steps to protect the clan while I'm here. Which would explain why there wasn't an attack there, only here.” After a pause, he added, “And he's got a history of major mischief.”

“Wait—this is the same uncle who asked you to teach him...what was it? Something that...pissed off your brother?”

“Yes.”

Madara took a moment to assimilate this new knowledge. “... Sounds like this could get complicated,” he finally said.

Those words held more truth than anyone was comfortable with.

 

 

 

Her clan head was waiting by the gate when Tōka arrived at her home compound. He clearly intended to talk to her, but she brushed past him and kept moving. “Sorry, have to fetch Uncle for Tobes!”

Hashirama turned and followed her. “What did he do this time?” he demanded.

“Which one? 'cause Uncle meddled in a matter that risks having him up for betrayal of clan contract. Tobes is handling the other end of it and got his name from the Uchiha elder who organized the attack on their compound, so he wants Uncle present to explain himself.”

 _And I thought I had a headache before,_ groused Hashirama. “Alright. I'd like a report when all that is done, please, but until then, fetch and play witness.”

“Of course,” she agreed. It was a foregone conclusion, anyway; Tobirama had only asked her to fetch their uncle because he knew she'd have fun gloating over him and still do exactly as he'd requested. Much as she might like to spend more time among the Uchiha—Izuna was hilarious; how had she never noticed that before?—Tōka knew her clan needed her home after all the time she'd spent away. That she was about to spend more time away just underlined how much her clan needed her home; no one else would handle her uncle so well save Tobirama. Of course, he'd do better than she would with the man, but that surely had to do with both being manipulative males.

She stepped into the house with her usual abrupt knock, calling out, “Uncle, I'm fetching you to Tobes.”

No one answered.

Trading concerned looks, Hashirama and Tōka split up to search the house. Neither was good enough to pinpoint their uncle's location exactly via chakra, so they took either side of the house and met back in the middle. No words had to be exchanged; their uncle wasn't in residence.

Hashirama frowned. “I hope we don't have to call my brother back just to hunt down our uncle. How soon do you need him?”

Tōka stared grimly at her cousin. “Ideally, twelve hours ago.” Pausing, she pondered who their uncle might leave a message for. Tobirama, perhaps, but his quarters were in use by Hikaku and the entire clan knew that.... Wait. The lab! She pushed her pace to seem impatient but no more than she was known for, in hopes of keeping the clan from panic.

One step inside the lab and she knew something was wrong. The inner door, the one heavily warded for containment in case of explosions, stood ajar. “Oh, no....”

Crumpled on the floor in the inner lab, a vial of uncorked  _something_ by his hand, lay Senju Mado.

 

 

 

Hashirama stared at his uncle's fallen form in horror. Frozen in shock, for a moment he couldn't believe it was real.

“Damn it, Hashi! I have to get him to Tobes,  _now!”_  It was Mado's only chance of survival now, and she knew it. But she also knew there had to've been a reason her uncle was messing up Tobirama's ordered lab contents. “Gather up everything Uncle had out here and have it to me by the time I get to the Uchiha compound!” Throwing one limp limb over her shoulders, she hefted her uncle and headed back out.

Behind her, Hashirama jerked into motion. He capped vials, including the one spilling powder across the floor, and sealed it into a scroll. Exiting the lab, he secured it behind him and headed for the mews.

The hawk for Tobirama was still perched and waiting, hooded. With calm movements, the Senju clan head tied the scroll to its leg, then removed hood and jesses. Watching it fly away layered nostalgia with worry. It wasn't a pleasant combination. Thankfully, clan matters took precedence.

As soon as the scroll was winging its way to his brother, Hashirama focused on his clan's welfare. It was the only way he'd stay sane—though many might debate that sanity.

 

 

 

Tobirama heard the screech of an arriving message hawk and bit back a curse. He stood and left the room, three Uchiha all but stepping on his heels as they followed him. The hawk dropped immediately to the arm thrown up as a perch.

It was the work of moments to untie the scroll and peruse it, though that only caused him to frown in turn. Senju Tobirama spun on his heel and all but bulldozed his way inside again.

“What the hell,” muttered Izuna, still trailing with his brother. “I thought he was more concise than his clan head?”

Tobirama evidently heard him; he spread the scroll out on a counter top and formed the seals to remove the contents. Sounds of startled confusion and concern rose behind him as he distractedly informed Izuna, “This is concise. I wasn't sure if the message was confidential, but him sending me a seal tells me Tōka will be coming in fast and I need to be prepared.”

Ashi voiced a soft noise of dismay. “Something happened to your uncle?”

Madara and Izuna traded grim looks, but it was the younger brother who spoke. “Taking care of loose ends.”

Hikari cursed and hugged her son, glad that her uncle had been removed to a cell and the walls set with seals immediately upon the Senju third's departure. The rest of them had reconvened after lunch, knowing it would take time to fetch a contrary relative.

Apparently, what everyone ought to have worried about wasn't so much cooperation as treacherous elders.

“If one of you two wouldn't mind meeting her, you'll be faster and that might matter.” Red eyes flicked between Uchiha clan head and clan heir, respectful but not revealing more than a polite request and mild concern.

The brothers shared a speaking glance and Madara nodded. “I'll go,” he agreed. “Izuna, Hikaku, you two have the clan until I return.”

“Of course.”

A flicker of shinobi speed, two bounding leaps to get out of the compound, and the Uchiha clan head was gone.

 

 

 

Tōka had been extremely relieved to find that her cousin had sent the Uchiha courting him to fetch their uncle faster, because she wasn't at all sure he'd have made it alive, otherwise. She was a skilled kunoichi, well able to hold her own and then some, but she was not in the same league as her cousins and the Uchiha brothers. Admitting it hurt nothing but her pride—and Uncle Mado was worth more than that.

With Madara burdened instead of her, they were able to maintain her top speed to the Uchiha compound. Izuna met them at the gates, chivying others out of the way, and they slowed only enough to be safe as they hurried to the lab.

Finesse was a waste of time—time Madara, too, was reasonably certain the Senju in his arms did not have to spare. The door shattered with one kick, splinters flying, but the Uchiha clan head merely finished turning and swept backwards through the doorway, sheltering his burden in the process.

The second Senju Mado was set on the counter, Tobirama was checking vital signs, asking Ashi if there were particular odors he or his companion could identify, observing his uncle's pallor. In what seemed no time at all, the white-haired man slid to one side and was mixing up a concoction—of what, Tōka wasn't sure, despite her familiarity with his lab work. Whatever it was, it was vaguely green and thinner than slime, since it poured down Mado's throat with minimal effort.

Several hours passed before even Ashi's partner, Kōgekimaru, could detect improvement.

 

 

 

Senju Mado woke up. It was a slow process, what with lingering illness from poison. Hazel eyes slowly blinked open. “Mmngher.... Wh-” He stopped to moisten mouth and lips. “Where...? … Has it been a month already?”

One brow quirked up, Tobirama met his uncle's gaze steadily. “No. You managed to get yourself poisoned, probably because you involved yourself in a treacherous elder's plot.”

Hikaku watched from one side, entertained by the mild tone and chiding words. He was going to learn a lot from the Senju heir, undoubtedly.

“Ah. And was it your brother or cousin who brought me?”

Lips quirked ever so slightly upward. “Tōka brought you partway,” he agreed mildly. “Uchiha Madara brought you the rest of the way.”

Mado's eyes shot wide open. “...what?” he wheezed.

Izuna, the bastard, decided to be  _helpful._  “It's not as strange as you think; my brother really likes your younger nephew. Watching their courtship so far has been very entertaining for the rest of us.”

Madara fumed in silence, but Tobirama was renowned among his own clan for quick and scathing rebuttals. “Oh?” The white-haired man turned a vaguely curious gaze on the Uchiha heir. “And here I thought you liked watching the gifting but not the flirting.” He smirked at Izuna's spluttered ire.

That was a revelation to Madara, who resolved to flirt as much as possible with Tobirama. It would have the dual purposes of emphasizing his liking for the Senju heir  _and_ aggravating his brother immensely.

Based solely on the conversation he'd heard so far, Senju Mado opined that the courtship was going well. It didn't come naturally for two such powerful clans to cooperate and trust each other this quickly, after all. He hoped their relationship worked out—for them and for the clans.

“So, what happened?” Hikaku finally asked, bringing everyone's attention back to the matter of treacherous elders.

Mado heaved a ragged sigh, then spoke in a soft voice. “I knew when you handled our elders, nephew, that they would not be willing to defy you again soon, even if it was for the sake of safeguarding the clan. Your retribution is intimidating, even to those you love. So I took it upon myself to act the part of traitor and trusted you to help the Uchiha keep themselves safe.” There was a long, thoughtful pause. “In hindsight, I ought to have informed you and Mito.”

“I'm sure Mito would agree with you,” Tobirama told his uncle wryly, “but she's down in the cell block, terrorizing former elder Uchiha Kishō.”

A weak, rasping laugh came from Mado. “Sounds like her,” agreed the older Senju. Then he continued his story. “We only met three times, but he had a messenger of some sort, because I got messages from him in between.” Mado paused, swallowed past residual fear and anger, and resumed his tale again. “He was clearly enraged, livid...beyond reason. I don't know why, but he did not even seem to care for his own kin's safety.” Sorrow laced his words.

Uchiha Madara bit back a snarl. “Certainly fits with what we witnessed,” he rumbled darkly. Sharing a baleful glance with his brother, the clan head nodded to the Senju heir. “Go ahead and tell him.”

That drew a raised brow and a small, crooked smirk, but Tobirama did so. “Kishō tried to use his great-nephew as a hostage.”

Hazel eyes roamed his own nephew, then Mado returned, in a droll, scratchy tone, “You expected it.”

A slow smirk curved the Senju heir's lips; Madara felt his brain short out for a moment. “I did,” concurred Tobirama. “He blindsided himself, underestimating us all.”

Izuna glanced at his brother, wicked amusement creasing his face in subtle lines. “Well, when there's so many competent ninja around, keeping an eye out for any moves a person makes, it's no wonder we had good results. We had three of the highest ranking from both our clans here. And it's not like he'd have gotten away from that new speed thing you do,” he pointed out, looking straight at his white-haired counterpart.

One brow lifted, a slow,  _Are you sure this is the time to bring that up?_ What he said was, “Yes, even you haven't figured out a way to counter that.”

“In my defense,” bit out the Uchiha heir, “you almost killed me with it last time and you move so fast doing it that it's hard to catch details.”

 _My brother is trying to get us evicted from the lab, apparently,_  Madara thought, resigned.

“ _Almost_ killed you?” Tobirama mused mockingly. “Izuna, if I'd wanted you dead, you would be; you're nowhere close to coming up with a counter for it.”

Tōka shot a speculative look at the Uchiha clan head. “Are you sure you're not married?” she asked. When the entire room had frozen in shock, she continued blithely. “They fight like in-laws already.”

“Since when have you seen me fight with an in-law?” her cousin retorted. “Mito and I don't fight.”

“Not each other,” she agreed. “You do, however, fight with Hashi, who has a way of riling you that, while much more effective than Izuna's, produces similar results...if more spectacular.”

While the others were distracted by the cousins' antics, Mado turned his gaze to Madara. “You okay?” His niece was almost terrifyingly adept at shock tactics.

Madara scrubbed at his face. “I never thought about how much they'd fight,” he admitted.

“Does it change your intent?”

He thought seriously about it, but there was only one conclusion. “No.”

They turned back to the others in time to observe Inuzuka Ashi befriending Senju Tobirama. His method was every inch a shinobi's, a quick sneak and pounce which tumbled them to the feet of his newest allies.

Ashi looked up with laughing eyes, met Madara's gaze from the floor. In discreet hand signs using an outdated code he knew the Uchiha had cracked, the Inuzuka informed him,  _Don't worry; I prefer women. I just think he'll be really fun to play with._

… Madara had no response to that, because Inuzuka were such...such... _canines!_

It was just his luck that Tobirama caught the whole exchange and sent an amused and subtly flirtatious look his way; Madara felt his cheeks flush and prayed his brother remained distracted long enough for it to fade.

 

 

 

Senju Tōka wished she had a method on hand to immortalize this moment, because her cousin—normally so abysmal at interpersonal relationships that half his blood relatives wanted as little to do with him as possible—was flirting successfully with the Uchiha clan head. Proof was the blush, which was—okay, now she got why her cousin thought the man attractive, thoughts she didn't really need in her head, damn it, but....

Her smile might have been unnecessarily predatory when she looked to the Uchiha heir. To her delight, however, it in no way deterred him; pink dusted his features and he returned the voracious leer.

Tobirama would have politely ignored the lust if he could, but from the look in Ashi's eyes, he was about to comment on it. To avert potentially disastrous clan reactions, he picked up a shoe that had been lost in the tumble across the floor, not caring whether it was his or the Inuzuka's.

Izuna didn't see it coming, too wrapped up in lusting after Tōka. He pitched sideways upon impact, lurching against the counter while his hand missed the higher brace point and landed in the sink. It was full of water; watching disgruntlement chase ire over the footwear across his face was immensely entertaining. As was the disgust when he realized things had been soaking in the sink.

“Next time,” Tobirama informed his Uchiha counterpart scathingly, “try not to lust after her in my presence. I  _will_ take advantage of your distraction.”

Inuzuka Ashi could only be gratified he was already on the floor; he could smell the amusement the Senju heir was hiding and—these people were hilarious and he wanted to spend more time with them. When he managed to stop rolling side to side with laughter, he raised his eyes to Tobirama and couldn't stop the wide grin.  _Let their alliance succeed. Please, I want to be part of this, so let it succeed._

For his part, Izuna scowled at both his Senju counterpart and Ashi. How in hell did the man make friends with someone in less than a week when he was so...so... _Senju_...?

Meanwhile, a sharp nose and sensor abilities had Tobirama and Ashi watching each other with amusement. One could sense the emotions; the other could smell the hormones change. Both were hiding smiles, though Tobirama clearly had more practice.

"I hate you both," hissed Izuna. When this only wrought more amusement at his expense, he stalked over to Tōka and asked plaintively, “Can I kiss you?”

She didn't laugh in his face, at least. She did, however, insist that he earn the right to lay lips on her.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am currently taking ideas for the wooing, if anyone wants to toss a few my way.


End file.
